IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

In spite of advances in medicine, many people around the world still die of easily preventable diseases. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

#spite #advances #medicine #people #world #diseases #case
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Even in the era of
advance
Replace the word
advanced
show examples
 medicine,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people around the world are still
dyeing
Correct your spelling
dying
show examples
 from easily preventable diseases.
This
 is a common case in undeveloped countries where the medical
system
 is corrupted and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
healthcare
 is not available for everyone.
The strengthened
Correct article usage
Strengthened
show examples
 controls in
medical
Add an article
a medical
the medical
show examples
institution
Fix the agreement mistake
institutions
show examples
, especially on the medical services in the public
healthcare
system
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is the best way to fight
this
 problem. The patients don’t trust the public
healthcare
system
 and the services they provide in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 state like ours. Because it is an “open secret” that if you don’t have connections with the
healthcare
 workers or don’t offer a gift, the medical necessary doctors’ services you need will not be covered. In
reality
Add a comma
,reality
show examples
 50% of the patients are forced to go
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 private hospitals for medical treatments on easily prevented diseases but not everyone is in a situation to have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
private medical insurance. And there are many examples
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 people that didn’t receive
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
basic medical care on time and
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 health
was compromise
Change the verb form
was compromised
show examples
; in some cases, the ending was fatal. The government should control the work of the public
healthcare
system
 by making strict regulations
how
Change preposition
on how
show examples
this
system
 will work. It must have a
Submitted by viktorija.saveska89 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: