IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Should rich countries help poorer ones? Or does it only help the rich country by keeping the poorer country dependent?

Some people believe that poor
countries
Use synonyms
 depend on the rich ones too much because they cannot survive by themselves without others’ help. I personally agree with
this
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 opinion,
therefore
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, the essay will highlight the considerable reasons and solutions for
this
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 problem.
First
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 of all,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
aid
Use synonyms
 was necessary
in
Change the preposition
for
show examples
 the
last
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 decades because the gap between the poor and rich
countries
Use synonyms
 had
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
expanded.
For example
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, some nations which experienced civil war became very poor as the domestic economy was destroyed. To recover from poverty, they needed some help from richer nations.
Therefore
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, the
aid
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 was essential to let them recover.
However
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, some
countries
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 still depend on
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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help from developed
countries
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, as they cannot survive
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their domestic power.
For instance
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, some poor
countries
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 only produce luxury goods
such
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 as tobacco and chocolate, so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
developed
countries
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 are able to make a purchase at a cheaper price.
Therefore
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, these poor
countries
Use synonyms
 cannot be independent because they need to sell those products overseas,
otherwise
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 they cannot purchase their necessary goods. To make
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society better, it needs another
aid
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 to change these situations. Teaching some skills and technology would be helpful to cut the dependency. If they can produce some product at a proper price, which is called fair trade, they do not have to depend on a community, so
that
Correct word choice
apply
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they can be independent. In conclusion, rich
countries
Use synonyms
 sometimes need to help poorer ones as they might not be able to recover
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
 their domestic power.
However
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, letting them have a strong domestic economy is important.
Therefore
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, the rich
countries
Use synonyms
 should not think about their own advantage
such
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 as buying luxury goods at a cheaper price
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and should give another
aid
Use synonyms
 to make them independent.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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