IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Many young people nowadays are imitating celebrities in sports and movies. In your opinion, is this good or bad? Support your point of view with reasons and examples from your own experience.

#people #celebrities #sports #movies #support #point
In recent times, all the
artist
 in the world is role
model
Fix the agreement mistake
models
show examples
 for all
generation
Fix the agreement mistake
generations
show examples
especially
Add the comma(s)
,especially
show examples
 for the youth. I believe it
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 good
impacts
Fix the agreement mistake
impact
show examples
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teenagers in their social life. it is true that the programme tv and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social media are showing all the activities of the influencer every single day.
As a result
, it has
effected
Correct your spelling
affected
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the people who
following
Change the form of the verb
follow
show examples
 it.
For instance
, Arhan Pratama is one of the best player
football
Change preposition
in football
show examples
 in Indonesia. He always shares his activity
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social media
such
 as when he is playing and learning the strategies during the match. due to his activity, all the fans who see it
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 will get some
motivations
Fix the agreement mistake
motivation
show examples
 to do the same things and
starting
Wrong verb form
start
show examples
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
 lifestyle.
In addition
, some channels tv have a good programme
such
 as a modelling stage.
This
 is an event showing all the
artist
Fix the agreement mistake
artists
show examples
 with their best clothes.
Moreover
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
celebrities teach how to do
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good makeup so will make the
appearence
Correct your spelling
appearance
 more cheerful. Not only the fashion
this
 event
also
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information
how
Change preposition
on how
show examples
 to
communication
Replace the word
communicate
show examples
 in a good way.
this
 programme has a big impact
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the youth because teaching them to improve
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 look and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
atitude
Correct your spelling
attitude
altitude
 in every
situations
Change to a singular noun
situation
show examples
. In a nutshell, the
artist
 is a key for all generations
especially
Add the comma(s)
,especially
show examples
 for the youth. The teenagers must
following
Change the verb form
follow
be following
show examples
 an
artist
 which has a good personality. so, the community can get a lot of benefits
such
 as motivation to do some exercise and how to dress well in any
events
Fix the agreement mistake
event
show examples
.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: