Many animal species in the world are becoming extinct nowadays. Some people say that countries and individuals should protect these animals from dying out, while others say we should concentrate more on the problems of human beings. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many wildlife
are
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species are
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currently facing extinction, which leads to an argument
whether
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about whether
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governments
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and individuals should focus on protecting animal
species
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or
prioritize
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prioritise
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human
issues
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.
While
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both views have reasonable explanations, I contend that animal conservation is equally important as addressing human
problems
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. On the one hand, protecting
animals
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is essential for maintaining ecological balance. Every
species
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plays a crucial role in the food chain, and the extinction of even one
species
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can trigger
chain
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a chain
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reaction.
For instance
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, if bees were to disappear, many plants would fail to be pollinated, which would reduce agricultural production and even affect global food supplies.
Therefore
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, preserving wildlife is not only an environmental issue but
also
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a foundation of long-term human development.
In addition
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, excessive human activities are the major factor causing the current ecological crisis,
such
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as deforestation and discharging wastewater, which contribute to the reduced natural habitats for
animals
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.
As a result
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, there is a moral responsibility for people to preserve
species
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that cannot protect themselves. Admittedly, some people argue that
governments
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should
prioritize
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prioritise
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human
issues
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,
such
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as poverty, education and healthcare, as these
problems
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could have an immediate impact on society and even improve the quality of life.
However
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, treating human
issues
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and animal conservation as separate
problems
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is not appropriate, because endangered
animals
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can damage ecosystems, leading to environmental
problems
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, like food shortages, which ultimately affect human survival. A more reasonable approach is to adopt a balanced strategy.
Governments
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should tackle urgent human
issues
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,
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apply
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while
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also
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investing in wildlife protection.
Consequently
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,
governments
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and individuals should
also
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focus on protecting
animals
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from extinction, because
this
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action can benefit both humans and ecosystems in the long term. In conclusion,
although
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human
problems
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require immediate action, I believe that protecting
animals
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is
also
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vital because both are closely connected and essential for the future of humanity.

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task response
Make your view more clear in the second body part. You say both are important, but your own side should stay very clear from start to end.
task response
Add one more specific example for the view about human problems. This will make your ideas more full and strong.
task response
Explain one or two ideas a bit more. Some points are good, but they can be more fully developed.
coherence and cohesion
Use articles and word forms more carefully, for example say 'a chain reaction' and 'much wildlife' or 'many wild animals'. These small errors can make links less smooth.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking is good, but try not to repeat the same pattern too much. You can use simple links in a more natural way.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow, but one sentence in body two is not fully clear: endangered animals do not damage ecosystems; their loss does. Make this point clearer.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give your opinion.
task response
Your main ideas are relevant and stay on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, body parts, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are in a logical order and easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words like 'for instance', 'therefore', and 'however' to guide the reader.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • cascading effects
  • economic impacts
  • ecosystem
  • endangered species
  • environmental conservation
  • human welfare
  • moral duty
  • preserve
  • sustainable practices
  • habitats
  • interconnected
  • extinction
  • advocates
  • opponents
  • priority
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