IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #choices
As a modern society citizen, I acknowledge there are various
choices
 in
people
's
lives
, but at the same time, I
also
 feel that there are
also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
a host of restrictions in our
lives
. On the one hand, globalization and technological boosts do bring more and more
choices
 to
people
's
lives
.
Firstly
, as the number of manufacturers in all industries keeps increasing these years, we now face thousands of
choices
 when we need to buy
cloth
Correct your spelling
clothes
show examples
 or to decide what we eat, and so on.
Secondly
, with air travel costs dropped to a rather acceptable price,
people
 nowadays can travel nearly anywhere they want.
For example
, back in the 1990s, if we
want
Wrong verb form
wanted
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 to take a vacation, we may only have several nearby places to choose from because of many low-speed
transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
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, but right now, we can fly to London and fly back in one day.
Finally
, in
people
's whole
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
, they can have more
options
 from what kind of school they attend to which company to work for. Having Various
options
 becomes an ordinary phenomenon.
On the other hand
, there are unignorable problems in our world, which are the gap between the rich and the poor and the gap between different cultures. In many developing countries, their local cultures restrict their citizens from having more
choices
.
For instance
, in Iraq, female citizens don't even have the right to show their faces,
not to mention
 to have multiple
options
 in their
lives
.
Furthermore
, the gap between the rich and the poor happens in many countries, which leads to multiple
options
 for the rich and rare
choices
 for the poor.
While
 the rich
people
 struggle about which prestigious university their children are attending, the poor
people
 even can't afford a decent meal. In conclusion,
although
 I do agree there are various
choices
 in our world, because of the discrepancies mentioned above, I don't think we have too many
options
, at least not everyone has.
Submitted by mnisjojo on

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task response
Ensure complete understanding of the essay prompt and address all aspects of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Utilize transition words and phrases to create a clear and organized structure. Consider reorganizing some paragraphs for better coherence.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • overwhelmed
  • decision fatigue
  • paralysis by analysis
  • consumerism
  • globalization
  • personal autonomy
  • market saturation
  • option overload
  • decision-making process
  • psychological well-being
  • buyer's remorse
  • customization
  • trade-offs
  • minimalism
  • information superhighway
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