in some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studied
Nowadays, many countries
support
adolescents to work or travel for a gap period between finishing high school and continuing studies at university to become more skilful, independent, and recognize the world. Verb problem
encourage
However
, there are several pros and cons.
Initially
, some people argue that young adults taking a break to study is the most beneficial way to learn about life. The most vital benefits are they can gain work experience and new skills. It helps them to know themselves and to accumulate knowledge. Particularly, It is most common to those who can't decide how to commence their future career. In addition
, numerous students face financial problems. Some of them inevitably take up learning space. The advantages of this
are they earn extra money and meet a lot of people and the best way to develop themselves. Therefore
, school graduates must be given time and opportunities to gain experience and make money before starting their studies.
On the other hand
, many possible drawbacks to taking a prep year. If you want to be more successful and intelligent, as soon as possible start studying to have more chances to become a professional in it. Although
youngsters are essential to get experience, it could be more insurmountable to go back to school, and their desire to learn decreases. For instance
, the National Statistics Committee reported that the number of students who took a year off is more unmotivated than students who did not get a gap.
All things considered, there are lots of better ways to take a break. You can find out what you want and what you do in the future. It is a great way to be independent and focus on self-improvement.Submitted by tntemuulen54 on
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Content
Provide more specific examples to support your points. Instead of vaguely referring to 'lots of better ways to take a break,' mention some examples.
Organization
Maintain consistency in your argument. You've started by stating that taking a gap year is beneficial, and then later you say that it's better to start studying as soon as possible for better success. While it's good to present both sides in an argumentative essay, if it is not a discussion essay, it’s often more clear to choose a side and present your discussion accordingly.
Grammar
Review your text for grammar issues. For example, 'national statistics committee reported that the number of students who took a year off is more unmotivated than students who did not get a gap' is grammatically incorrect. Correct English could be 'the national statistics committee reported that students who took a year off were generally less motivated than those who didn't.'
Grammar
Ensure correct punctuation and capitalization. You have some random capital letters like 'It' in the middle of the sentence and some missing commas.
Style
Avoid needless repetition. Phrases like 'more skilful, independent, and recognize the world' could be simplified to 'skills, independence, and worldly knowledge.' Cutting unnecessary words can make your argument more powerful and easier to understand.