IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people say free time activities for children should be organized by parents. Others say that children should be free to choose what they do in their free time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #time #activities #children #parents
Some people believe that
children
's leisure time should be decided by their
parents
,
while
 others believe that
children
 should have the freedom to pick what
activities
 they desire.
This
 essay will examine both points of view and provide examples. Involving
parents
 in deciding what
activities
 are appropriate for
children
 to do in their spare time is critical to their
future
 success. Because
parents
 are aware of their
children
's skills at a young age, interrupting
children
 to let them select what is best for them will provide insight into their professional careers. Mr Cristiano Ronaldo, the world's most famous football player,
for example
, introduces his
children
 to football at a young age.
Furthermore
, his
children
 will be the most important players in the
future
 because he is aware of their talents and prospects.
On the other hand
, there are certain advantages to allowing
children
 to pick what is best for them.
To begin
 with, allowing youngsters to choose their
activities
 is part of the decision-making learning process.
Children
 will learn about cause and effect in their options
as a result
, which will improve their responsibility.
Second,
if
children
 have picked their
activities
, it indicates that they wish to go deeper into their interests. Some youngsters,
for example
, are not exceptional academically, but their abilities are kinesthetic. Allowing them to specialize as a sports player will benefit their
future
. In conclusion,
while
parents
 play an important part in selecting
children
's
activities
 for their
future
 employment opportunities, it is preferable if
children
 have their own options because
children
 have the right to learn about decision-making.
Submitted by 2024successielts on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic which the supporting sentences then develop. This essay sometimes lacks focus in paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Utilize a wider range of cohesive devices and discourse markers effectively to structure the flow of ideas more precisely.
coherence cohesion
Paragraphing could be improved to enhance readability and organization of the essay.
task achievement
The essay should be expanded to address the prompts fully. This includes a more balanced discussion of both views and a clearer statement of the writer's own opinion.
task achievement
Elaborate on key points with more detail and development, providing further explanation and depth to the ideas presented.
task achievement
Connect the examples more explicitly to the main argument, ensuring that they substantiate the claims being made while also linking back to the question prompt.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • balanced development
  • expose children to
  • tailored activities
  • promote discipline
  • foster independence
  • genuine interests
  • free play
  • problem-solving skills
  • emotional well-being
  • unstructured time
  • personal exploration
  • structured activities
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