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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

At some locations an increase in the production of consumer good results in damage of our natural environment. What are the causes and solution ?

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Introduction
It is an undeniable fact that the
environment
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 plays a crucial role in an individual life.
However
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,
due to
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 increased manufacturing of consumer
products
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,
this
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 leads to detrimental effects on the
environment
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.
Overpopulation
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 and
deforestation
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 are the main reasons
although
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 reforestation and energy-efficient goods are the solutions to
this
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 trend.
This
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 essay discusses it briefly for the following reasons.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, there are multifarious causes of damage to the
environment
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 through overproduction. One of the predominant is
overpopulation
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.
This
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 is because the population is increasing rapidly day to day and
as a result
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, the use of
products
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 has
also
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 risen
while
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 manufacturing companies produce more
products
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 constantly,
thus
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, Mother Earth can be affected.
For example
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, paper production is increasing tremendously every day
due to
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overpopulation
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,
consequently
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, numerous trees have been cut
due to
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deforestation
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. To be more precise,
deforestation
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 brings many detrimental effects on society
as well as
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 creatures.
Body paragraph 2
Despite these causes, some possible remedies can solve
this
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 tendency. One of the pertinent solutions is reforestation. To clarify, the authority should make a campaign to create awareness of how importance of trees and forests among the population.
Last
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 but not least, manufacturing companies should produce energy-efficient
products
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instead
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 of increasing fossil fuel so that environmental pollution might be reduced.
For instance
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, a car production company would produce electric cars, and
as a result
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, usage of fossil fuels could be diminished. Ergo, the
environment
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 can be protected.
Conclusion
To conclude
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, the
environment
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 is of the utmost importance in people's lives.
Deforestation
Use synonyms
 and
overpopulation
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 are the main causes affecting the
environment
Use synonyms
,
however
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, reforestation and Producing energy-efficient goods are possible solutions to protecting the atmosphere.

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task achievement
Your essay has addressed the topic with relevant points, but you should focus on expanding your ideas with a more in-depth analysis and diverse examples. Some of your points would benefit from additional explanation to fully satisfy the task prompt.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is decent, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. However, transitions between ideas could be smoother, and internal cohesion in paragraphs can be improved by using a wider range of cohesive devices and clear topic sentences.
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