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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

At some locations an increase in the production of consumer good results in damage of our natural environment. What are the causes and solution ?

#locations #production #consumer #results #damage #environment
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It is an undeniable fact that the
environment
 plays a crucial role in an individual life.
However
,
due to
 increased manufacturing of consumer
products
,
this
 leads to detrimental effects on the
environment
.
Overpopulation
 and
deforestation
 are the main reasons
although
 reforestation and energy-efficient goods are the solutions to
this
 trend.
This
 essay discusses it briefly for the following reasons.
To begin
 with, there are multifarious causes of damage to the
environment
 through overproduction. One of the predominant is
overpopulation
.
This
 is because the population is increasing rapidly day to day and
as a result
, the use of
products
 has
also
 risen
while
 manufacturing companies produce more
products
 constantly,
thus
, Mother Earth can be affected.
For example
, paper production is increasing tremendously every day
due to
overpopulation
,
consequently
, numerous trees have been cut
due to
deforestation
. To be more precise,
deforestation
 brings many detrimental effects on society
as well as
 creatures. Despite these causes, some possible remedies can solve
this
 tendency. One of the pertinent solutions is reforestation. To clarify, the authority should make a campaign to create awareness of how importance of trees and forests among the population.
Last
 but not least, manufacturing companies should produce energy-efficient
products
instead
 of increasing fossil fuel so that environmental pollution might be reduced.
For instance
, a car production company would produce electric cars, and
as a result
, usage of fossil fuels could be diminished. Ergo, the
environment
 can be protected.
To conclude
, the
environment
 is of the utmost importance in people's lives.
Deforestation
 and
overpopulation
 are the main causes affecting the
environment
,
however
, reforestation and Producing energy-efficient goods are possible solutions to protecting the atmosphere.
Submitted by reanudeepan on

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task achievement
Your essay has addressed the topic with relevant points, but you should focus on expanding your ideas with a more in-depth analysis and diverse examples. Some of your points would benefit from additional explanation to fully satisfy the task prompt.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is decent, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. However, transitions between ideas could be smoother, and internal cohesion in paragraphs can be improved by using a wider range of cohesive devices and clear topic sentences.
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