IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that women should be able to join their country’s army and police forces. Others think that only men should be allowed to work in these areas. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #women #country’s #army #police #forces #men #work #areas
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Many individuals claim that ladies are able to join their nation's forces. But others reject
this
 notion and believe that girls are not eligible for
this
 kind of
jobs
Fix the agreement mistake
job
show examples
. In my, opinion the position of
women's
Change noun form
women
show examples
in country
Add a hyphen
in-country
show examples
 appears to be more rational and
this
 will lead to a logical conclusion. There are myriads of reasons which will
further
 explain
this
 argument but the most preponderant fact is western countries are facing
shortage
Add an article
a shortage
show examples
 of the population, for , example in Syria, Israel, and, South Korea females join
army
Correct article usage
the army
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 and police forces because
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
government is mandatory
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 all pupils. Another pivotal aspect is most of the weapons are light weights ,
Therefore
, ladies use
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 efficiently. Moving
further
, it is pertinent to mention that the article published in the eminent newspaper Hindustan Times depicts that in the war of
Russian
Correct your spelling
Russia
show examples
- Ukraine,
womens
Correct your spelling
women
 play a vital role owing to
majority
Add an article
the majority
show examples
 of the males
are
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
deid
Correct your spelling
denied
did
dead
initially
.
Furthermore
, males have less amiable compare to feminine.
However
, there are some pitfalls that negate these arguments and which can certainly overwhelm the potential influence of
this
 trend.
Although
, the most alarming one is
males
Change noun form
males'
male's
show examples
 physical potential is
mighty
Correct quantifier usage
more mighty
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 rather than girls.
Besides
, massive assault
such
 as AK47, and, AK56 is too heavy, maybe it is challenging for
womens
Correct your spelling
women
women's
 to carry
on
Correct pronoun usage
them on
show examples
shoulders
Correct pronoun usage
their shoulders
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 24 hours.
Moreover
, a survey conducted by the prestigious university Oxford in London revealed most of the
failure
Fix the agreement mistake
failures
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 in wars cause
to
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apply
show examples
women due to
have
Change the verb form
having
show examples
 minute skills for, instance leadership, and,
decision making
Add a hyphen
decision-making
show examples
.
Similarly
, cruelty to ladies
in
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 increasing by leaps and bounds in
war
Add an article
the war
a war
show examples
 field. To sum up, according to the argument aforementioned above, one can reach the conclusion, that the perks of the girls in war are instrumental indeed. The potential drawbacks should not be overlooked either.
Submitted by naffey07 on

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