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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people should give healthcare the first priorities; somre others believe there are more important priorities to spend the taxpayers' money. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #healthcare #first #priorities #somre #taxpayers #money
t is believed that governments should spend taxes on providing
healthcare
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
show examples
,
facilities
Correct word choice
and facilities
show examples
firstly
Change the word
first
show examples
, whereas other
people
 believe other things are much more important than
healthcare
. While I understand other areas,
such
 as infrastructures, job opportunities,
education
Correct word choice
and education
show examples
, should be financed
healthcare
 should be prioritized. I believe that
healthcare
 should be the main concern of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
fro
Correct your spelling
for
show examples
 some reasons. On the one hand, there are numerous issues related to
this
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which the authority is responsible for, nowadays.
To ensure
Fix the infinitive
Ensure
show examples
 the
health
 state of every individual is utterly significant, but it does not mean they can easily ignore other problems related to poverty,
destruction
Correct article usage
the destruction
show examples
 of
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
,
education
,
building
Correct article usage
the building
show examples
 industry and all other intrinsic sectors.
For instance
, in some developing countries where there are a number of residents in
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
certain areas that encounter water shortage, that
also
 leads to another chaotic challenge that should be addressed immediately
such
 as various kinds of diseases that dissipate rapidly resulting
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 epidemic and
pandemic
Fix the agreement mistake
pandemics
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; Even if there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 a lot of money spent on
healthcare
, it still does not have any means to resolve the issue under worse housing condition.
On the other hand
,
healthcare
 is the foundation of
human’s
Change noun form
human
show examples
 life. It means that having a good mental
health
 condition
also
 leads to total wellness
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
oneself; Almost all
people
 could not do any activity
particularly
Add the comma(s)
,particularly
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 in
this
 modern era. With
this
, there are only fewer probabilities to execute all the activities or plans
people
 set
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
 themselves
such
 as : working or taking up courses for self-development and most particularly for those who are looking after their children-parents.
In addition
, if
large
Change the article
a large
show examples
 amount of money is allocated for
other government sector
Change the wording
another government sector
other government sectors
show examples
, like
education
, the citizens could still not do anything meaningful if they are not in good shape or
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
experience
health
 ailments,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 could
result
Add the preposition
inresult
fromresult
show examples
 a decrease
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 productivity as a whole. In the Northern-European countries,
for example
,
people
 can avail
healthcare
Change preposition
of healthcare
show examples
 services for free and it leads to a more efficient living in terms of their job,
education
,
quality
Correct word choice
and quality
show examples
 time spent with their family, peers, friends and significant others.
Thus
, the impact of not being fully attuned to their
health
 condition,
people
 will
also
 have some social issues regarding the national GDP with a potential of having much higher as compared to those in other countries. In conclusion, even though there are enormous yet significant
domain
Fix the agreement mistake
domains
show examples
 earmarked /
Fix the infinitive
to be
show examples
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
aided by monetary assistance, I reiterate the idea that
healthcare
 is the most intrinsic part/ brink based on the aforementioned.
Submitted by t.watpot216 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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