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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some parents want their children to read only serious educational books all the times, and they think is a waste of time to read any entertainment books. What is your opinion about this?

There is no denying the fact that some parents encourage their kids to read
science
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books
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instead
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 of reading entertainment
books
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.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that reading educational
books
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 may be more beneficial. There is
also
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 an argument that
opposes
Correct pronoun usage
opposes this
show examples
. In my opinion, I consider that reading
education
Replace the word
educational
show examples
 content has many benefits for
children
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.
To begin
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 with,
science
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books
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boosts
Correct subject-verb agreement
boost
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 the knowledge and capacity of thinking in
children
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.
In other words
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, reading educational
books
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help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
children
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 in their studies.
In addition
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, kids learn how to solve their problems and how to deal with obstacles.
For instance
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, reading math
books
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 has
expanding in
Wrong verb form
expanded
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 intellectual faculties because
it’s containing
Wrong verb form
it contains
show examples
 complex mathematical matters, so when
kid
Correct article usage
a kid
show examples
used
Verb problem
can
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 solve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
equations, he
also
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 can solve reality
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
. Another point to consider is that spending many hours
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
reading
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
science
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books
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 significantly
improve
Correct subject-verb agreement
improves
show examples
kid’s
Correct article usage
a kid’s
show examples
 character in the future. It is
also
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 possible to say that those
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
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 of
books
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 may give
children
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 confidence and intelligence compared to others
in
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of
show examples
 the same
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
age.
Moreover
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, people who used to read
books
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 like chemistry, biology and medical journals,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
determine their path
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 career life.
For example
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, dr Ahmad, he a physician
in
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at
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king
Capitalize word
King
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 Abdul
aziz
Change the capitalization
Aziz
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 University, he
was
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 reading more
books
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in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 physics
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science
Correct word choice
and science
show examples
 since his childhood. In conclusion, despite people having different views, I believe that supporting
children
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 to spend
majority
Add an article
the majority
a majority
show examples
 of their time in educational
books
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 will help them in
specific
Change the word
specifically
show examples
 what they want
become
Change the verb form
becoming
to become
show examples
 in the future and
also
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 improve themselves.

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task response
Make sure your introduction clearly states your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Use connectives like 'however', 'firstly', 'for example' to show the flow of ideas.
task response
Add specific examples that are directly related to your points.
task achievement
You have good ideas about the benefits of educational books.
task response
The overall opinion is clear in the essay.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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