IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.

#time #population #countries #adults #people
Depending on the demographic curve, the
population
 on age group varies in each country. Some countries include a relatively large number of young
people
 more than the number of older
people
. Once, each country has its unique pattern of
population
, the government should on the majority. There are significant factors that can be the advantages of the youth majority in the sectors of the economy,
technology
, and
health
 care. Youths are cheap and productive in the labour market. If the labour market goes fast and steady, the profit will rise sharply. The profit causes to raise salary and benefits for employees. With all beneficiaries,
people
 are satisfied with a good quality of life with financial security.
Technology
 advancement is leading sector to earn a lot all over the world.
Therefore
, youths are good at building
technology
-based innovation by initiating start-ups to make our daily life easier. They are familiar with what they need at the same time they want to do with
technology
. Updates on fast-paced
technology
 cooperate with other sectors
such
 as fintech, med tech, and edtech. Cost of the public
health
 care will be saved for the youth
population
 since they are relatively physically. Being relatively healthy means that there are just minor concerns on
health
 that are preventable without serious long-term medical treatments including expensive medications and invasive surgeries. To sum up, the large number of young
people
 in the
population
 is quite prosperous to make a profit by working, creating new ideas on cutting-edge
technology
, and saving costs on public
health
 care.
Submitted by sun_shine159 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: