IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some universities now offer their courses on the Internet so that people can study online. Is this a positive or negative development?

#universities #offer #courses #internet #people #study #development
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It is a common phenomenon that
people
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 can
study
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university
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courses
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 online nowadays. It causes a considerable debate. 
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However
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However,
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 in my opinion, studying 
university
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courses
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 online is a positive development. There is no doubt that studying 
university
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courses
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 online has some negative influences. For instance, universities can not ensure education
qualities
Fix the agreement mistake
quality
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, because they lack the method to supervise the
students
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’ learning.
Furthermore
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, teachers can not respond to
students
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’ questions and alter teaching approaches quickly, thanks to the network delay and the huge number of online
students
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.
Whereas
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 the advantages of studying
university
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courses
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 online are more than
its
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their
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 disadvantages in a long-viewed. On the one hand, 
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study
Wrong verb form
studying
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 college 
courses
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 online will provide more opportunities for ordinary 
people
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 to accept education,
such
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 as someone who lives in a remote area without a complete transportation system. Plus, online lessons will decrease their consumption of
study
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, which means
people
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 can
study
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 more different subjects within their original budget. 
Therefore
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, we can expect that online lessons will promote the citizens' education level in a short time.
On the other hand
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, it is convenient for
university
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students
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 to
study
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, wherever they are.
For instance
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,
students
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 can leave their campus to take part in 
filed
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field
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 trips overseas and keep up with
courses
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 at the same time through studying 
universities
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university
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courses
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 online. 
Consequently
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, the colleges’ online lessons can offer the chance for
students
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 to arrange the
study
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 scheme by themselves. In conclusion, it seems to me that universities providing their
courses
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 on the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 have a lot of benefits for
people
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 and will have positive development.
Submitted by fiasngs on

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task achievement
While you provide a clear stance and support for it, there are some minor grammatical issues. For example, in the phrase 'thanks to the network delay,' 'thanks to' is positive whereas a phrase like 'because of' or 'due to' could fit better.
task achievement
Ensure all examples used are specific and relevant. For instance, the sentence 'students can leave their campus to take part in filed trips overseas' can confuse some readers. A concrete example would make this point stronger.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences can be better connected to enhance the flow of the essay. Transitional phrases like 'Additionally' or 'Moreover' can help in making the paragraph smoother.
task achievement
Your stance is clear, and you have given thoughtful reasons for why you believe that online courses are a positive development.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame your essay nicely and make it easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Your points are generally well-supported, and you've covered both advantages and disadvantages before concluding with a firm stance.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Distance learning
  • Flexible schedule
  • Virtual classroom
  • Digital resources
  • E-learning platforms
  • Asynchronous learning
  • Synchronous learning
  • Cost-effective
  • Self-paced study
  • Technical difficulties
  • Blended learning
  • Online modules
  • Remote access
  • Student engagement
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