IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Public celebrations( such as national days, festivals, etc) are held in most countries. Theses are often quite expensive and some people say that governments should spend money on more useful things Do you agree or disagree?

#celebrations #festivals #countries #theses #people #governments #money
Every country celebrates some unique festivals or national
events
. These might not be very popular on a global level but they can hold a great sum of significance to the citizens. When we celebrate
such
 days and
events
, there might a huge amount of money spent by the government. In my opinion,
such
fundings
Fix the agreement mistake
funding
show examples
 should be limited to a certain amount and governments shouldn't go overboard with
such
 celebrations. On the one hand,
events
 and public gatherings are
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 to bring all the citizens together.
Moreover
,
such
 parties don't
differienate
Correct your spelling
differentiate
 on who should attend and why. If planned right
such
 days can
potray
Correct your spelling
portray
 a positive light on the
people
 and can boost their morals too.
Additionally
, when cultures are happily shared and valued, humans form an active bond.
Also
, huge celebrations might
also
 provide
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
active tourism.
For example
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Chinese new year's day is very popular worldwide and
people
 from all over the world travel to China in order to witness it
first hand
Correct your spelling
first-hand
show examples
.
On the other hand
, if too much attention is drawn towards decorations, foods and stalls, a lot of
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
accquired
Correct your spelling
acquired
 money can be wasted.
However
, the key difference is what religious group celebrates what festivals. While
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 some
people
 might be faithful to their way of
celebrations
Replace the word
celebrating
show examples
, other
people
 might find it to be a waste of time and space. In conclusion, the celebration of
events
 should be widely accepted and
take
Wrong verb form
taken
show examples
 care of. I agree that spending too
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
 resources on
such
 days can be stressful but if plans are made in order
such
 situations can be avoided sternly.
Submitted by pratibhabhatia02 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: