IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

A long distance flight consumes more fuel than a car running for several years. Some argue that it would be better to discourage people to have non-essential air travel than to limit the use of cars. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is sometimes argued that unnecessary
air
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travel
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 should be banned
instead
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 of restricting road transport as vehicles consume more fuel and generate more pollution. I disagree with
this
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 statement and the following paragraphs will explain the reasons. The primary reason to limit the vehicles is their frequent usage than aeroplanes.
While
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 it is undeniable that
air
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travel
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 over long distances consumes more fuel than running a car for many years, they are used by fewer
people
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 and less frequently, so in
total
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total,
show examples
 they consume less than the daily use of cars.
For example
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, you can see a great number of vehicles running on roads every day,
however
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, there is a limited number of
people
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 who can
travel
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 to distant areas with limited times.
Therefore
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, only limiting unnecessary
air
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travel
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 is not a wise way to save energy. Another reason is there would be fewer impacts for
people
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 to suffer if governments limited the use of cars. There are other alternatives to transport for the public to use,
such
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 as bicycles, subways and trams.
However
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, there are no other means to replace planes when travelling to other parts of the world and not all destinations can be easily travelled by road. Our lives will be greatly influenced if there is a restriction imposed on
air
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travel
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.
For example
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,
people
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 who live in Shanghai want to visit Taiwan, there is a cross-strait between the two regions, so
air
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travel
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 becomes an accessible way for visitors. In conclusion,
due to
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 the fewer impacts and many alternatives that can
offer
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be offered
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, compared to stopping the usage of non-essential aeroplane
travel
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, it is better to impose restrictions on road transport
instead
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.

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task achievement
While the essay is generally well-organized and develops a clear argument, you may want to further elaborate on the examples provided to make them even more convincing and specific. For instance, adding statistics about fuel consumption or pollution differences between cars and airplanes could strengthen your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay is cohesive and paragraphs flow well with appropriate use of linking words. However, consider refining transitional phrases for better fluidity between some points. For instance, transitioning from discussing the frequency of use to the impact on people's daily lives could be smoother.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively set the scope of the essay and restate the main argument.
task achievement
Main points are well-supported and the essay addresses all parts of the prompt, providing a balanced perspective.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a focused argument and uses clear, comprehensive language to convey ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Aviation
  • Greenhouse gas emissions
  • Carbon footprint
  • Long-haul flights
  • Global connectivity
  • Sustainable travel
  • Fuel efficiency
  • Environmental impact
  • Personal vehicles
  • Public transportation
  • Stringent regulations
  • Tourism industry
  • Economic consequences
  • Equity
  • Technological advancements
  • Electric airplanes
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