Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
It is commonly seen that kids take more time on their mobile phones, and
while
some people argue that Linking Words
this
behaviour could have some benefits for kids, I firmly believe that it is harmful to the young generation and that they should limit their time on cell phones. In Linking Words
further
paraphrases, the main causes of Linking Words
this
phenomenon and my personal opinions will be highlighted.
There are two main reasons causing the young are addicted to phones. Linking Words
Firstly
, gaming is a virtual world where they can become whomever they want, which can not only offer them excitement but Linking Words
also
fulfil their imagination. Linking Words
Secondly
, emotional connection is an essential need for kids, using Linking Words
smartphones
can allow them to communicate and share interesting things anytime and anywhere, Use synonyms
such
as through phone calls, social media and communication applications, resulting in addiction to Linking Words
smartphones
.
In my opinion, Use synonyms
it is clear that
using Linking Words
smartphones
is a significantly negative development for children. Use synonyms
This
hobby harms the young generation both mentally and physically. Linking Words
For instance
, sitting and staring at the monitors for too long a time, Linking Words
making
young people suffer from some diseases. Wrong verb form
makes
According to
a recent survey in my country, over 90% of elementary school students have been diagnosed with eye illness. Linking Words
Furthermore
, the comparisons between peers have become Linking Words
the
competition in their daily lives, leading to massively psychological pressure for teenagers and resulting in some severe mental disorders, Correct article usage
apply
such
as anxiety disorder, depression and bipolar disorder, which has become one of the biggest modern issues. From my experience, when I saw friends posting their luxurious lives on social media, I felt nervous and doubted myself.
In conclusion, Linking Words
due to
the sense of fulfilment from mobile games and the need for connection, Linking Words
smartphones
give children happiness but harm them as well.Some children spend hours every day on their Use synonyms
smartphones
.Use synonyms
Submitted by vincent3725416 on
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coherence cohesion
The essay has sound logical structure but chaining of ideas can be improved. The formulation of complex ideas could be more synchronised to enhance comprehension.
coherence cohesion
Congratulations! You've done an excellent job in presenting both the introduction and conclusion. They are clear and render the meaning of the essay perfectly. Keep up the good work.
coherence cohesion
Although main points are generally supported, you could provide more concrete examples and deepen your arguments to increase their significance.
task achievement
Great job responding to the task! You have addressed every part of the task appropriately. Moreover, you have also given your clear stand about the topic. However, remember to always keep a balance in discussing both sides of the argument.
task achievement
Ideas are on the right track and largely comprehensive, but some are slightly unclear, mostly because sentences are a bit too complicated. Try to simplify your sentences to increase comprehension.
task achievement
The examples you provided are pertinent and meaningful, but can be more specific, comprehensive, and detailed to strengthen your argument.