Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is commonly seen that kids take more time on their mobile phones, and
while
Linking Words
some people argue that
this
Linking Words
behaviour could have some benefits for kids, I firmly believe that it is harmful to the young generation and that they should limit their time on cell phones. In
further
Linking Words
paraphrases, the main causes of
this
Linking Words
phenomenon and my personal opinions will be highlighted. There are two main reasons causing the young are addicted to phones.
Firstly
Linking Words
, gaming is a virtual world where they can become whomever they want, which can not only offer them excitement but
also
Linking Words
fulfil their imagination.
Secondly
Linking Words
, emotional connection is an essential need for kids, using
smartphones
Use synonyms
can allow them to communicate and share interesting things anytime and anywhere,
such
Linking Words
as through phone calls, social media and communication applications, resulting in addiction to
smartphones
Use synonyms
. In my opinion,
it is clear that
Linking Words
using
smartphones
Use synonyms
is a significantly negative development for children.
This
Linking Words
hobby harms the young generation both mentally and physically.
For instance
Linking Words
, sitting and staring at the monitors for too long a time,
making
Wrong verb form
makes
show examples
young people suffer from some diseases.
According to
Linking Words
a recent survey in my country, over 90% of elementary school students have been diagnosed with eye illness.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the comparisons between peers have become
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
competition in their daily lives, leading to massively psychological pressure for teenagers and resulting in some severe mental disorders,
such
Linking Words
as anxiety disorder, depression and bipolar disorder, which has become one of the biggest modern issues. From my experience, when I saw friends posting their luxurious lives on social media, I felt nervous and doubted myself. In conclusion,
due to
Linking Words
the sense of fulfilment from mobile games and the need for connection,
smartphones
Use synonyms
give children happiness but harm them as well.Some children spend hours every day on their
smartphones
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by vincent3725416 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay has sound logical structure but chaining of ideas can be improved. The formulation of complex ideas could be more synchronised to enhance comprehension.
coherence cohesion
Congratulations! You've done an excellent job in presenting both the introduction and conclusion. They are clear and render the meaning of the essay perfectly. Keep up the good work.
coherence cohesion
Although main points are generally supported, you could provide more concrete examples and deepen your arguments to increase their significance.
task achievement
Great job responding to the task! You have addressed every part of the task appropriately. Moreover, you have also given your clear stand about the topic. However, remember to always keep a balance in discussing both sides of the argument.
task achievement
Ideas are on the right track and largely comprehensive, but some are slightly unclear, mostly because sentences are a bit too complicated. Try to simplify your sentences to increase comprehension.
task achievement
The examples you provided are pertinent and meaningful, but can be more specific, comprehensive, and detailed to strengthen your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
What to do next:
Look at other essays: