Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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These days, technological advancement in our society has

done

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made

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a significant improvement in our people's lives

and

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apply

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especially monitoring systems. several individuals

claimed

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claim

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that because of technology our

life

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lives

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has

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have

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been compromised we are in open exposure to danger

while

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other

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others

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argue that there are plenty of benefits. I believe that the benefits of the monitoring system eclipse its drawbacks. On the one hand, it is undeniable that these developments have many downsides. The most prominent is the private life of individuals is not secure. Cybercriminals and rivals search for information that could help them to take money from the owner.

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, an abundant number of people lose their money because of cyber-attacks.

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, a recent study showed that cybergeeks have collected 5 million dollars by robbing people online, but these attacks can be prevented

while

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taking preventive measures.

On the other hand

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, I am convinced that new advancements have more advantages. The primary reason is that these provide records and video images of the crime scene which helps police to solve the crimes effortlessly.

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, there was a burglary at the bank, and videos from security cameras play a vital role

to capture

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in capturing

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the culprit, preventing future crimes, and eventually our communal safety. In conclusion, there are clear benefits to using the technological system which can easily outweigh its drawbacks. It is

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undeniable that the use of technology

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ramification

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ramifications

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Nonetheless

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, I believe that the advantageous impact of

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development will surpass its downside.

umerasamdiSat Jan 21 2023

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task achievement

Consider providing a more balanced view by discussing both advantages and disadvantages in each paragraph.

coherence and cohesion

Make sure to use clear topic sentences to start each paragraph, clarifying the main point.

coherence and cohesion

Revise some awkward phrases and ensure grammatical accuracy to enhance clarity.

coherence and cohesion

The essay presents a clear opinion and is structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

task achievement

Examples provided in the essay help illustrate the points made, particularly in discussing the advantages of monitoring technology.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

250 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

1. Surveillance
2. Monitoring
3. Cell phone tracking
4. Security cameras
5. Public safety
6. Law enforcement
7. Privacy concerns
8. Personal freedom
9. Autonomous
10. Breach of trust
11. Misuse of information
12. Institutional integrity
13. Psychological impact
14. Mental well-being
15. Societal trust
16. Paranoia
17. Transparency
18. Stringent regulations
19. Criminal deterrence
20. Apprehension of criminals

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