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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that the prevention of health problems is more important than the treatment of illness and disease and that Government funding should reflect this?What is your opinion?

#people #prevention #health #treatment #illness #disease #government
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Since a long time ago,
health
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 issues is one of the major concerns that humanity is facing. Several people argue that preventing
diseases
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 is more crucial than treating them and that government
funds
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 should have a part in it. While I agree that the
prevention
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 of
health
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 problems is substantial, I consider it to have the same degree of importance as treating them and I agree that more state funding should be involved since they have a major role in keeping their citizens healthy.
Although
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 some people have already tried to stay healthy, there are several uncontrollable factors that can get them sick
such
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 as age and inherited disease. That's why it is
also
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 important to focus on the treatment of current
diseases
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 rather than just focusing on preventing them.
For instance
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, my uncle, who has a very healthy lifestyle, still get a heart problem because it was inherited from his parents. Clearly, preventing illnesses has the same importance as treating them and both of them are very crucial to keep our society healthy. To help prevent various illnesses and
diseases
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, the governments should participate more by giving more of their money to it. Today, the disease treatment
funds
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 by the governments usually have a much higher value than disease
prevention
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.
For example
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, in Indonesia, the
health
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 insurance
funds
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 by the
health
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 ministry are five times higher than the
health
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 problems
prevention
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funds
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. Surely, the government has to spend more of its
funds
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 to help
prevention
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 of
diseases
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 or illnesses. To conclude, preventing
health
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 problems and treating them is very crucial to keep society healthy.
Therefore
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, the authority should fund more
health
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 preventive measures since the current
funds
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 are still not enough.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventive measures
  • healthcare costs
  • public health campaigns
  • vaccination programs
  • chronic diseases
  • economic productivity
  • absenteeism
  • quality of life
  • life expectancy
  • burden on healthcare systems
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