IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The global demand for oil and gas is increasing. Some believe that we should therefore encourage the exploitation of remote areas. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

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There is an increasing amount of
energy
Use synonyms
 demand
such
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 as gas and oil in the world
due to
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 the
energy
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 crisis mainly caused by the Russian invasion and an increasing number in the global population.
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While some
Correct word choice
Some
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 people argue that they need to extract
such
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 natural
resources
Use synonyms
 in a remote region.
This
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 statement may not take advantage of the drawbacks as there are several reasons and facts discussed below. First and foremost, it would be a catastrophe if a country grabbed an island affluent with natural
resources
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 without peaceful negotiation.
For instance
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, Russia, which has been registered as the most notorious country in the world, took the island in the past.
According to
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 some experts,
this
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 grabbing resulted in a quarrel between Russians and Ukrainians. Rather than getting more
resources
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 in a part of the area in another country, Russia should have developed technology
such
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 as renewable
energy
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.
Secondly
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, if a considerable number of people
seeked
Correct your spelling
sought
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 more
energy
Use synonyms
 in rural areas, living things would lose their habitats mainly affected by the destruction of the environment
as well as
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 deforestation.
For example
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, a developer in some industrialised countries may contribute to the loss of biodiversity in Amazon forests, leading to a significant decline of different species in the area.
To conclude
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, if we keep getting more and more
resources
Use synonyms
 in the
countrysides
Fix the agreement mistake
countryside
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, we tend to lose lots of both tangible and intangible things,
Therefore
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, I believe that we should advance eco-friendly technologies and focus on the path toward a more sustainable world.

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task response
Task Achievement: The essay partially addresses the task but lacks a clear position and depth in the argument. It is important to fully engage with the prompt and present a well-developed argument with supporting details and examples.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay lacks a clear and logical structure. There is a need for better organization of ideas and the use of cohesive devices to improve overall coherence and cohesion.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • exploitation
  • economic growth
  • infrastructure
  • underdeveloped areas
  • environmental cost
  • habitat destruction
  • climate change
  • global warming
  • renewable energy sources
  • sustainable development
  • geopolitical issues
  • resource control
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