Childhood obesity is being a serious problem in many countries. What are the causes of this? What solutions can be offered?

Nowadays, the number of overweight
children
is increasing significantly all over the world. In the future, obesity may cause blood pressure and other diseases if it can’t be controlled. So in
this
essay, some solutions for
this
issue will be explained.
To begin
with, obesity can be caused by the consumption of high-calorie
food
like pizza, burgers, and some types of drinks. In
this
era of competition,
children
are less aware of what they take as a meal
rather
Correct word choice
and rather
show examples
Correct word choice
than focus
show examples
focus
Change the verb form
focuses
show examples
on how the
time
of preparing
food
can be minimised.
As a result
, they prefer to eat packaged
food
or go to restaurants, which eventually causes weight gain as these types of
food
, contains a lot of salt and sugar.
In addition
, they are less informed about the nutritional value and balanced diet. For
this
problem first of all, parents should be careful about what their
children
are going to eat and lower the fast
food
, and
instead
increase the home-made meals with
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
carbohydrates and sugar in their diet.
Furthermore
, A healthy diet can prevent kids from weight gain.
Moreover
, having no movement may cause obesity. Nowadays, it is preferable to participate in a virtual game
instead
of playing football, badminton, or cricket, which leads to
overweight
Add a missing verb
being overweight
show examples
.
Also
,
children
are spending more
time
in front of monitors
sitting
Change preposition
than sitting
show examples
in chairs which helps to increase body fat. For
this
issue, it is a good idea for schools to organize monthly sports tournaments and force
children
to participate in
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
or physical clubs that can be subsidized.
Also
, in
this
context, parents can set some rules to lower the
time
spent on online games and turn off monitors after some hours of playing.
To conclude
in many countries, fatness among
children
is alarming.
Thus
, it is the right
time
to reduce the rate. Or, parents are available to see their kids dealing with various illnesses in the near future.
Submitted by nasrrohina on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Read more in the eBook

The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »

* free ebook for Premium users

What to do next:
Look at other essays: