IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that modern technology is making people more sociable, while others think it is making them less sociable. Do you agree or disagree?

It is argued that modern technology as
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
Internet
Use synonyms
 makes
people
Use synonyms
 chattier,
while
Linking Words
 others think that
their
Replace the word
they're
they are
show examples
 stacking behind the computer and become less sociable. I think
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it depends on
behaviour
Add an article
the behaviour
show examples
 of
person
Add an article
a person
the person
show examples
.
In
Change preposition
This
show examples
this
Linking Words
 essay will
discussed
Change the verb form
discuss
show examples
 both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
view
Fix the agreement mistake
views
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, cutting-edge technologies made a big breakthrough step in developing humanity. Using
Use synonyms
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
show examples
 gives easy access to something. Nowadays, most
people
Use synonyms
 cannot imagine their life without
Use synonyms
Internet
Add an article
the Internet
show examples
, because, students may study online,
Use synonyms
people
Correct word choice
and people
show examples
 may communicate with
whole
Change the article
the whole
show examples
 world. It makes hands longer and
people
Use synonyms
 became more sociable.
People
Use synonyms
 have become more mobile. Because they earn money online. They make
Add an article
the meeting
a meeting
show examples
meeting
Fix the agreement mistake
meetings
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, programming,
shopping
Correct word choice
and shopping
show examples
 online.
For example
Linking Words
, in the USA during the pandemic time, most
people
Use synonyms
 moved from California to
another states
Replace the adjective
another state
other states
show examples
, where taxes
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
less. They worked in one state and lived in other.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, with modern
technologies
Add a comma
,technologies
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 have video games which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 not always good for children. Most of them have a habit to play without break
instead
Linking Words
 of walking on playgrounds and
play
Wrong verb form
playing
show examples
 with other children. Parents surf
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social media
instead
Linking Words
 of
talk
Change the verb form
talking
show examples
 with their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
. Most of them have
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Internet
Use synonyms
 addiction.
Although
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
elder
people
Use synonyms
, who
works
Change the verb form
work
show examples
 online
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
show examples
 more
communicate
Replace the word
communication
show examples
 with others. Usually, they
stuck
Add a missing verb
are stuck
show examples
 behind the computer and did not see others.
In addition
Linking Words
,
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
developing
Replace the word
development
show examples
online
Change preposition
of online
show examples
 payment, there are discovered a cybercrime. In my opinion,
people
Use synonyms
 should find
happy
Add an article
a happy
the happy
show examples
 medium between using modern technology and being
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
real time
Add a hyphen
real-time
show examples
. Society should take some benefits
such
Linking Words
 as freelancing, developing their communication skills and having friends.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • online marketplaces
  • mobile payment options
  • personalized advertising
  • accessibility
  • compare prices
  • decision fatigue
  • impulse buying
  • financial imprudence
  • privacy and data security
  • transformed
  • streamlined
  • user-friendly
What to do next:
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