IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

While some people claim that advertising drives economic growth, others suggest it harms society by making individuals feel unhappy with themselves and their belongings. Consider both arguments and present your viewpoint.

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In today’s modern world, it is almost impossible to escape the constant flood of advertisements on television, social media, and billboards.
While
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 some
people
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 believe that
this
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 industry helps the economy grow, others argue that it damages
society
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 by making individuals feel dissatisfied with their lives. From my perspective, advertising is beneficial for economic development, but it
also
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 causes significant psychological harm to
society
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. On the one hand, advertising is a powerful tool for economic growth.
Firstly
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, it helps brands gain recognition and boost their reputations in the market. When more
people
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 know about a product, sales increase, which leads to the development of the
overall
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 economy.
Secondly
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, advertising usually involves big investments from companies. If these campaigns are successful, they result in great profits.
This
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 allows businesses to expand, hire more workers, and contribute more money to the national
as well as
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 global economy.
On the other hand
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, advertising can have a negative impact on
society
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 and individuals. One major problem is that advertisements often target mainstream consumers.
As a result
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, they tend to overlook the specific needs of the minority, making these groups feel ignored.
Furthermore
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, advertising tends to rely on celebrities who are considered very good-looking. When ordinary
people
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 constantly see these flawless models, it can lead to an inferiority complex among those who feel they are unattractive or lack material wealth.
This
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 makes
people
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 feel unpleasant with themselves and their own belongings. ​​In conclusion, advertising clearly plays a major role in driving economic growth by fostering brand recognition and corporate profits.
Nevertheless
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, it
also
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 harms
society
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 by ignoring minority needs and making
people
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 feel insecure about their appearance and status. I believe that governments should regulate advertisements to
minimize
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minimise
show examples
 these social harms.

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task response
For task response, your answer covers both sides and gives your view. This is good. But some ideas need more full support.
task response
Your point about minority groups does not fully match the main question. Try to focus more on how ads make people feel bad about themselves or their things.
task response
Add one clear and real example to support your ideas. This will make your answer stronger.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay is easy to follow. The order is clear: intro, one side, other side, conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your linking words are used well, like 'Firstly', 'Secondly', 'On the other hand', and 'In conclusion'. But do not use too many simple links in the same way.
coherence and cohesion
Some main points need more explanation. After each key idea, add one more sentence to show how or why it happens.
task response
You answer both views and clearly give your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both clear and complete.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has one main idea, so the essay is easy to read.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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