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Band 5.5

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high schools and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

#countries #people #work #travel #year #schools #university #studies
In some
nations
Add a comma
,nations
show examples
 young
students
 are pushed to work or
travel
 for a complete
year
 between finishing
hig
Correct your spelling
high
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
 and starting college. Some of the advantages are discovering what they really like in life and some
decided
Wrong verb form
deciding
show examples
 to live abroad and
study
 in a foreign country.
However
, the disadvantages are that some might lose attention to
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 a degree and others might decide to pursue an illusion
such
becoming
Change preposition
as becoming
show examples
 actors. One of the advantages is that many of these
students
travel
 to take
time
 and think
on
Change preposition
about
show examples
 what they might like to
study
.
Firstly
,
this
 is
important
Add an article
an important
show examples
time
 to really discover what might be an
iterested
Correct your spelling
interested
 degree to
study
 for.
Also
, some of them ask for a piece of
advise
Replace the word
advice
show examples
to
Change preposition
from
show examples
 elderly people
Change preposition
to who
show examples
who
Change the pronoun
whom
show examples
 they talk to. Another advantage is that they decided to live abroad and stay there to
study
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a foreign university to expand their knowledge. More importantly, they have the
opportuniry
Correct your spelling
opportunity
 to know a foreign culture for a
completely
Replace the word
complete
show examples
year
 and learn a second language. To explain
further
, in the United States most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teens
travel
 around the country for a
year
 to take
time
 and decided
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their careers at university, and
this
 gave them a much better way to
discoverwhat
Correct your spelling
discover what
degree
Correct article usage
the degree
show examples
 they want to obtain. One of the disadvantages is that many of these young
students
 might
lost
Change the verb form
lose
be lost
show examples
 themselves in
this
time
 period and many of them
abandone
Correct your spelling
abandoned
abandon
 their educational goals.
Besides
this
, most of them start working at night clubs and they feel happy to earn some money, and
this
 eventually
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 them
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
reject school. Another disadvantage is that having
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 way of earning money help them to buy
brand-clothing
Correct your spelling
brand clothing
show examples
 and live in a luxurious way, and
therefore
, some of them decided to become actors or influencer. To explain my point, Los Angeles California is a city full of young
students
 who work at restaurants and
night-clubs
Correct your spelling
nightclubs
show examples
 with the illusion of
becomign
Correct your spelling
becoming
 the next
hollywood
Change the capitalization
Hollywood
show examples
start
Correct your spelling
star
show examples
. To conclude, in many countries young
students
 are pushed to take a
year
 to
travel
 or work which let them
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
expand their choices and gain knowledge;
however
,
this
 might have some drawbacks
such
 as forgetting to pursue an educational goal and dreaming to become
a famous actors
Correct the article-noun agreement
a famous actor
famous actors
show examples
.
Submitted by cuevas14dic on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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