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Writing Samples
Band 5

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment——doing things they like to do——rather than doing things they should do.

#people #time #do——rather
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Nowadays, many
people
Use synonyms
 think that
people
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 they don'
t
Use synonyms
 understand are always doing what they like
instead
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 of what they really should be doing, which is often what
people
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 who don'
t
Use synonyms
 understand
others
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 want
others
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 to do
instead
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 of doing themselves. I don'
t
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 agree with that.
On the contrary
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, I think
people
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 nowadays are always doing what they should be doing
instead
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 of what they really like.
Today
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, many
people
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 are forced to do
things
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 they don'
t
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 want to do because of family
pressure
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.
For example
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, some
people
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's parents want their children to get married early. And sometimes maybe their children could have put all their energy into interpersonal communication and learning, getting better personal skills and having better future opportunities. In
this
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 case, because they do not want to have family conflicts with their parents, they are forced to marry at the best age, and
then
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 the focus of
life
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 will inevitably be on the new family, losing the good chance to realize their self-worth. So young
people
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today
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 may feel pressured by their families to do what
others
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 think they should do.
On the other hand
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, there are some
people
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 who do what they have to do
instead
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 of what they like because of some social
pressure
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. In
today
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's China, college entrance and employment
pressure
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is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 very great. For
students
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, their whole
life
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 is only
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
, except sleeping and eating basically all
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
study
Add an article
the study
show examples
, and
such
Linking Words
 a miserable
life
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, basically every senior three
students
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 have 15 hours a day
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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spent in
this
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 aspect, it is no exaggeration to say that the whole year off. At the same time, when the result of an exam is not what
others
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 expect,
students
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 will bear great psychological
pressure
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, and there are
students
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 committing suicide every year. It can be said that few of them really love learning, and they have to do it for the sake of their families and their future survival. After all, nowadays, even the top universities in China, PKU and THU, have few advantages in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
job interview. So
people
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 may be under social
pressure
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 to do something they should do for the future, rather than something they really like to do.
People
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 who are forced to do
things
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 they don'
t
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 want to do,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have no way to enjoy
life
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 and
life
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. They may not be able to have many hobbies because their lives are filled with so many
things
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 and hobbies may no longer have time for them,and in order to make themselves less sad,
people
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 choose to forget as much as possible, and over time, have lost the enthusiasm to retain
interest
Add an article
an interest
show examples
 in everything. In general, I think
people
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today
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 are always doing
things
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 they should be doing
instead
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 of
things
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 they like to relax and enjoy. They are always under
pressure
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 from all sides to make a choice that everyone wants, even if it is not the outcome they want. So I don'
t
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 agree with that.
Submitted by bunyanchen on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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