In the future, people may no longer be able to pay things in shops using cash. All payments may have to be made by card or using phone. Do you think this will happen one day? Why do you think some people might not be happy to give up using cash?

#future #people #shops #cash #payments #card #phone

People

have different views as to whether

people

may not be allowed to pay for goods in stores by cash and whether all payments must be done by card or electronic devices. In my opinion,

this

trend will definitely occur in the near future and there are various reasons why some individuals would oppose

such

an idea. There are two main reasons why

this

trend is becoming more realistic soon.

Firstly

, several stores in big cities around the world already accepted alternative methods of payment. To be more illustrate, some businesses, in Japan, do not allow their employee to touch the money, which discourages workers from stealing it.

Secondly

, in

this

generation, young

people

do not carry cash around from place to place, and they prefer to use cards or online payments

instead

For example

, I only leave a certain amount of money in my wallet for an urgent matter and always make a payment via phone.

Moreover

, it is commonly believed that elderly

people

might not be happy with

this

idea. The first contributing factor to

this

is that they are not comfortable with new technology since not all of them would be interested in learning new forms of payments.

For instance

, my grandmother refuses to register for online banking as it is difficult to understand.

Secondly

, it is easy for a scammer to lure or persuade elderly

people

to trust, which ends up with the older

people

transferring money to them.

For example

, recently, there has been a variety of news relating to

this

type of criminal activity in Thailand, causing millions of baht. In conclusion, I genuinely believe that

this

approach will exist soon in the short future, and the older generation would not be happy with

this

for the given reasons.

Submitted by pandin21 on Wed Jul 31 2024

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task achievement

Some arguments in the essay could be elaborated more to provide a stronger case. For instance, you could mention more statistics or studies that support your points.

coherence cohesion

Try to ensure logical flow between paragraphs. Adding transitional phrases can help improve the flow, for instance, words like 'Moreover', 'Additionally', and 'On the other hand'.

coherence cohesion

Avoid minor language errors and ensure consistency in the use of tenses and grammatical structures. It would also be helpful to split long sentences into more manageable pieces for clarity.

task achievement

The essay presents a clear stance on the topic and addresses both the potential future scenario and the concerns of different groups of people.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are effectively used to frame the essay and restate the main argument.

task achievement

Real-life examples are given to support the points, which makes the essay more relatable and convincing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

295 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

cashless society
digital payment systems
financial institutions
transparency
illegal activities
privacy reasons
digital trace
technologically challenged
cybersecurity threats
technical failures
cultural attachments
resistant to change

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