In the future, people may no longer be able to pay things in shops using cash. All payments may have to be made by card or using phone. Do you think this will happen one day? Why do you think some people might not be happy to give up using cash?

People
have different views as to whether
people
may not be allowed to pay for goods in stores by cash and whether all payments must be done by card or electronic devices. In my opinion,
this
trend will definitely occur in the near future and there are various reasons why some individuals would oppose
such
an idea. There are two main reasons why
this
trend is becoming more realistic soon.
Firstly
, several stores in big cities around the world already accepted alternative methods of payment. To be more illustrate, some businesses, in Japan, do not allow their employee to touch the money, which discourages workers from stealing it.
Secondly
, in
this
generation, young
people
do not carry cash around from place to place, and they prefer to use cards or online payments
instead
.
For example
, I only leave a certain amount of money in my wallet for an urgent matter and always make a payment via phone.
Moreover
, it is commonly believed that elderly
people
might not be happy with
this
idea. The first contributing factor to
this
is that they are not comfortable with new technology since not all of them would be interested in learning new forms of payments.
For instance
, my grandmother refuses to register for online banking as it is difficult to understand.
Secondly
, it is easy for a scammer to lure or persuade elderly
people
to trust, which ends up with the older
people
transferring money to them.
For example
, recently, there has been a variety of news relating to
this
type of criminal activity in Thailand, causing millions of baht. In conclusion, I genuinely believe that
this
approach will exist soon in the short future, and the older generation would not be happy with
this
for the given reasons.
Submitted by pandin21 on

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task achievement
Some arguments in the essay could be elaborated more to provide a stronger case. For instance, you could mention more statistics or studies that support your points.
coherence cohesion
Try to ensure logical flow between paragraphs. Adding transitional phrases can help improve the flow, for instance, words like 'Moreover', 'Additionally', and 'On the other hand'.
coherence cohesion
Avoid minor language errors and ensure consistency in the use of tenses and grammatical structures. It would also be helpful to split long sentences into more manageable pieces for clarity.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear stance on the topic and addresses both the potential future scenario and the concerns of different groups of people.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are effectively used to frame the essay and restate the main argument.
task achievement
Real-life examples are given to support the points, which makes the essay more relatable and convincing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cashless society
  • digital payment systems
  • financial institutions
  • transparency
  • illegal activities
  • privacy reasons
  • digital trace
  • technologically challenged
  • cybersecurity threats
  • technical failures
  • cultural attachments
  • resistant to change
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