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Writing Samples
Band 6

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

People often believe that taking
risks
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 is essential in
both
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 personal and professional lives.
While
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 there are demerits of risky decisions
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such
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, such
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 as financial instability, I believe that the advantages outweigh them, as taking
risks
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 can lead to developing new
skills
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 and personal growth. One of the major benefits of taking
risks
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 is the development of new
skills
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. When an individual makes an uncertain decision, they often face difficult challenges. By overcoming these difficulties, they acquire new
skills
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 and abilities which contribute to their personal growth in
both
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 their personal life and career.
For example
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, when an individual establishes a new business, they take a significant risk. During
this
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 process, they learn a new set of
skills
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such
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 as leadership and financial management, which help them in their life
both
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 professionally and personally.
However
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, taking
risks
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 can
also
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 have several drawbacks, one of them being financial instability.
This
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 mainly occurs because individuals sometimes make decisions without proper preparation or planning and without any knowledge, which may lead to failure that might cause money problems.
For instance
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, many inexperienced forex traders invest their funds in the stock market without having sufficient knowledge.
As a result
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, they may suffer substantial financial losses
which
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, which
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 can create serious financial difficulties in
both
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 personal and professional life.
To conclude
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, taking
risks
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 involves
both
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 advantages and disadvantages.
Although
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 there are certain negative consequences
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such
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, such
show examples
 as financial problems and the possibility of failure, I believe that the positive impacts outweigh them, as risk-taking helps individuals develop new
skills
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 and achieve personal growth.

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task response
Be clear on your main idea in the first paragraph, and keep it the same all through the essay.
task response
Add more detail to each idea and more real life examples.
coherence cohesion
Start each paragraph with a strong topic sentence and use simple link words to move from one idea to the next.
coherence cohesion
Mix linking words and avoid repeating the same phrases. Use 'also', 'however', 'for example' to show flow.
coherence cohesion
Finish with a short conclusion that restates your view and sums up the points.
strength
The essay has a clear view that risks can help growth.
strength
Body paragraphs show a logical order from good points to bad points.
strength
There are real examples such as starting a business and trading.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
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