IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Task 2: In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government has the responsibility to solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #children #people #government #responsibility
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In
this
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 contemporary world, we all agree that eating fancy junk
food
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 is liked and favoured by most of us.These days
children
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 are becoming overweight and unhealthy as they are more inclined towards junk foods.
This
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 trend is mostly because of the modern lifestyle provided by the
parents
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 of the
children
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.
Hence
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, I strongly disagree that the government has the responsibility to fix
this
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 problem.
To begin
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 with, nowadays,
parents
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 are seen to be involved and engaged in their professional life to the extent that the health aspect of their
children
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 is compromised. To illustrate, we might have seen many working couples order
food
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 for their
children
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 as they have some important meetings at their workplaces.
Also
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,
this
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 market has become extremely accessible and cheap so that anyone can order anytime from their smartphone.
For example
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, one can easily use Zomato to order
food
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 conveniently from their home.
However
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,
this
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food
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 industry has grown enormously with the support of the government. But, it would be unfair to blame the government for the misuse of it
that is
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 leading to obese
children
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. It is
also
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 understandable that affluent
parents
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 want their
children
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 to be exposed to many kinds of
food
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 and
also
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 provide a good modern lifestyle.
Nevertheless
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, they should
also
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 understand the significance of good nutrition in maintaining good holistic health.
Therefore
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, modern
parents
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 should not encourage outside eating very frequently even if they can afford it. To sum it up, it is accepted that these days families are engaged in their busy working lives but,
parents
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 should be mindful towards their
children
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's eating habits.
Submitted by IRWIN.RITIKA on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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