IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

In many countries people increasingly talk about money (how much they earn or how much they pay for things in their daily conversations). Why? Is this a positive or negative development?

#countries #people #money #conversations #development
In contrast
 to the
pass
Correct your spelling
past
show examples
, the residents in many countries start to discuss their daily costs between conversations with
people
. Whether it is a positive or disadvantageous phoneme, I would explain the ideas in
this
 essay.
According to
 the cultural difference, western
people
 tend to not mention financial issues in a conversation;
however
,
people
 from eastern countries adore asking about jobs, and salaries in life. Eastern residents think that it is a warm-up to get to know a person, and western residents tend to skip these topics because they consider financial is their private life.
Besides
, in recent decades, economic technology has changed the whole society around the world, it is convenient to get information through the internet. On the hand, it is easier for many companies to have business overseas, and that makes the workers involved in different situations for facing
people
 from background difference.
Therefore
, except for business conferences,
people
 start to talk about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
daily payment because it is closer to our life and easy to get a connection with others to know their activity of them.
On the other hand
, when we discuss too many money issues with our friends or co-workers, it will
also
 make us into trouble. Though talking about private financial topics makes
people
 get connected and find the solutions to our problems, we still need to pay attention to it. Because everyone has different facts and causes the results
Add a missing verb
are different
show examples
different
Change the word
differently
show examples
 which makes
people
 learn lessons from each other. In conclusion, though there are disadvantages
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 talking about money in public, there are more advantages for
people
 to discuss with others.
People
 can learn
the
Change preposition
from the
show examples
 experience
form
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
 others and
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not make mistakes
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the same way.
Submitted by zoe20130402 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumerism
  • materialism
  • economic disparity
  • transparency
  • financial planning
  • financial stress
  • culture of comparison
  • societal taboos
  • financial literacy
  • savings
  • investments
What to do next:
Look at other essays: