IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that cell phones should be for personal use only; others, however, feel cell phones should be used mostly for work. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. ​

#people #cell #phones #work
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Cell
phones
 became popular with the growth of technology. Nowadays, it has become an essential
device
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 mankind.
Unqestionably
Correct your spelling
Unquestionably
, every coin has two sides and so are the people. Society is divided into two groups and
therefore
,
usage
Correct article usage
the usage
show examples
 of mobile devices has
became
Change the form of the verb
become
show examples
 a topic of debate among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people.
Set
Correct article usage
A set
show examples
 of people
aruge
Correct your spelling
argue
 that cell
phones
 should be only for personal
use
while
 others believe
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 should be used mostly for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work
.
This
 essay will discuss both views and my personal opinion about the topic. Many users consider their
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 to
use
 only in personal situations. In a
way
Add a comma
,way
show examples
 it is correct
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because it is a
device
 that the user bought spending his/her own money, which should
use
 as per his/her personal preference. Having
Fix the infinitive
to use
show examples
use
Change the verb form
used
show examples
 them
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
work
 purpose make the user feel
uncomforatable
Correct your spelling
uncomfortable
 in certain cases,
due to
 privacy concerns. For some employees, it is
effected
Correct your spelling
affected
show examples
to
Change preposition
by
show examples
 their
work
-life balance because if they
recieve
Correct your spelling
receive
 office matters
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
phones
 right after they return
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
home, it could be a stress.
On the other hand
, having a mobile phone is
benefited
Replace the word
beneficial
show examples
 for
work
-related aspects.
For example
, a person can get notifications about his/her
work
 status. Most importantly, they can install most of the applications
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a smartphone and
use
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 more conveniently. Composing emails became quite easy with the arrival of mobile
phones
.
Moreover
, reaching a colleague via
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
text or a simple voice call is faster than traditional methods. Anyone can join
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a meeting
while
 travelling easily through a mobile
device
, rather
using
Change preposition
than using
show examples
 a laptop or a computer
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the train/ bus. My opinion is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
mobile
Add an article
the mobile
show examples
device
Fix the agreement mistake
devices
show examples
 should
use
 for both personal and
work
 with limitations.
As a result
, it would give many benefits over drawbacks. ie; Switch off notifications related to
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
 after office hours,which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 users not to experience stress
while
 they are with the family.
To conclude
, It is a choice to take by the user, with their personality and opinions on how to
use
 their cell
phones
.
Moreover
,
according to
above
Add an article
the above
show examples
 statement, neither its pros can
can
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
be neglected nor its cons. It's a
mixure
Correct your spelling
mixture
 of positives and negatives. In my opinion, the statement should not
be underestimate
Change the verb form
be underestimated
show examples
 and should handle with care.
Submitted by dmdeemanthakasun on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: