Topic: Many children and students are taught to push themselves to be better than others rather than work together for everyones’s benefits. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Many
children
are often taught by their parents or teachers to work hard on their own and get better than others,
while
less effort has been devoted to educating them about cooperation and teamwork. From my way of thinking,
this
approach to education certainly has advantages, but the disadvantages seem to be more significant. In
this
essay, I will delve into my thoughts in detail. We begin with the pros of the argument. In today's society, competitions happen at every school and workplace. That said, pushing oneself to be better keeps
one
's mind sharp and helps
one
perform best. In that way,
one
can possibly stand out when competing with others. Take the university entrance exams in many Asian countries
for example
, a student definitely has to stand out in order to get accepted by a top-tier institute and he or she has almost no room for failure.
Therefore
, having a competitive mind is necessary.
On the other hand
, pushing too hard can do more harm than good.
One
obvious downside is that it creates excessive stress, which could cause health issues. Apart from that,
children
easily get more isolated when they are digging deep into their own work. From time to time, they become less social and could have trouble communicating with others. Today we live in a society where everyone is a part of the whole and being able to communicate and work with other people is essential. Without proper social skills, life could be difficult.
To conclude
,
although
children
do need to push themselves to get better,
this
has to be done carefully. Parents and teachers have to be mindful of the amount of pressure they put on
children
. At the same time, they definitely need to educate them on the importance of social abilities and encourage them to cooperate with their mates.
Submitted by rlu3 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Instilling
  • Competitive spirit
  • Self-improvement
  • Personal excellence
  • Excessive competition
  • Stress
  • Anxiety
  • Win-at-all-costs mentality
  • Interpersonal relationships
  • Collaboration skills
  • Teamwork
  • Mutual success
  • Wider community
  • Educational settings
  • Social development
  • Groundbreaking achievements
  • Collective effort
What to do next:
Look at other essays: