IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In some cultures, children are often told that they can archive anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

In many cultures, it is common to encourage children by telling them they can achieve anything if they try hard enough,
while
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
message
Use synonyms
 might motivate them it might
also
Linking Words
 create unrealistic expectations.
This
Linking Words
 essay will go over the advantages and disadvantages of
this
Linking Words
message
Use synonyms
. One great benefit of
this
Linking Words
message
Use synonyms
 is that it builds resilience and a strong
work
Use synonyms
 ethic.
This
Linking Words
 is because it encourages them to
work
Use synonyms
 hard even if they face difficulties which will help them in overcoming obstacles in school or later in life.
For example
Linking Words
, a student who struggles in math but believes hard
work
Use synonyms
 leads to success will continue to
work
Use synonyms
 hard until they improve.
As a result
Linking Words
, children may grow up with a strong belief in persistence and self-discipline, which goes a long way through adulthood.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the drawback of
this
Linking Words
 idea is that it creates unrealistic expectations and leads to disappointment.
This
Linking Words
 can happen because not all outcomes are the child's fault, no matter how hard they try.
For example
Linking Words
, a child who dreams of becoming a doctor may
work
Use synonyms
 tirelessly but fail
due to
Linking Words
 unexpected circumstances or lack of opportunities.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
message
Use synonyms
 can lead to feelings of failure or low self-esteem and low self-worth when success does not meet the effort, or discourage them from trying anymore. In conclusion, telling children they can achieve anything with hard
work
Use synonyms
 is a double-edged sword, it has both benefits and drawbacks.
While
Linking Words
 it encourages effort and perseverance, it is important to balance
this
Linking Words
message
Use synonyms
 with realistic expectations.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
While your introduction clearly states the topic, consider adding a brief outline of the points you will discuss. This gives the reader a clear roadmap of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay flows well, but try to use more linking words like 'however', 'furthermore', and 'on the other hand' to connect your ideas more smoothly.
task response
Make sure to explain why the examples you provide are important or relevant to the points you make. This will help strengthen your argument and make it clearer.
task response
Your essay has a strong conclusion that summarizes your points effectively, emphasizing the balance needed in encouraging children.
task response
You provide clear examples to support your points, which helps illustrate your argument well.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: