IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

SOME PEOPLE SAY HISTORY IS ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANCE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL. OTHER THINKS IN TODAY'S WORLD SUBJECT LIKE SCIENCE AND TECHONOGY ARE MORE IMPORTANCE THAN HISTORY. DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OWN OPINION.

#people #history #importance #school #world #science #techonogy
The discussion of ancient culture is surely one that begs the question of exactly how it creates
Correct article usage
a hug
show examples
hug
Correct your spelling
huge
show examples
 impact on subjects like
science
 and
technology
. In my opinion,
due to
evolution
Correct article usage
the evolution
show examples
 of gadgets and
demanding
Correct article usage
the demanding
show examples
 value of
medical
Add an article
the medical
show examples
 stream,
students
 are losing interest in subjects
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
history
.
However
, in
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will discuss both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
views. One clear fact is that awareness among young youth
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their civilization has become appalling.
For instance
,
students
 have started disliking
history
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
show examples
 in their academic period, as per oxford
university
Change noun form
university's
show examples
 professor it has been
observe
Change the verb form
observing
observed
show examples
 that only 2% of
people
 are taking admission
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
history
 classes, 10%
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 commerce, 58%
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 IT and
remaining
Correct article usage
the remaining
show examples
students
are belong
Change the verb form
belong
show examples
 to
science
Correct article usage
the science
show examples
 stream.
Furthermore
, I
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
strong
Change the word
strongly
show examples
 thoughts that
history
 must
gets
Change the verb form
get
show examples
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 importance as compared to
science
 and
technology
.
Although
, learning about events which occurred in past, might feel
depressed
Replace the word
depressing
show examples
 but on
other hand
Change the wording
another hand
other hands
show examples
, we can gain knowledge which would be useful in leaving
happy
Add an article
a happy
show examples
life
.
For example
, we all know about “Hitler the dictator”
how
Correct word choice
and how
show examples
 he torture
people
 and let them
died
Wrong verb form
die
show examples
 in
war
Add an article
the war
show examples
, stories like
this
 make
students
 understand how our great
solider
Change the word
more solid
show examples
 fought for our freedom.
Moreover
, I should say
science
 and
technology
also
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 made
terrific
Add an article
a terrific
show examples
 impact on
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
life
, without modern gadgets and equipment
life
 is impossible. To illustrate
further
,
this
 can be understood when considering
life
 without
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
.
Internet
Correct article usage
The Internet
show examples
 is
only
Add an article
the only
show examples
 platform where
people
 can get all the knowledge.
To conclude
, both sides present strong arguments
history
 teach us moral value for our culture and
science
 and
technology
 make our
life
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
easier.
Submitted by workforneershah on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: