IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In many countries people increasingly talk about money (how much they earn or how much they pay for things in their daily conversations). Why? Is this a positive or negative development?

#countries #people #money #conversations #development
In today's world, everything seems to orbit around
money
. A skyrocketing number of
people
 hold a conversation on a daily basis about
wage
Fix the agreement mistake
wages
show examples
 earned or an expensive purchase to impress others.
This
 essay will explore the reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 monetary discussion,
as well as
 the potential drawbacks of
this
 practice. The reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 increased talk about
money
 are plentiful. First of all, in the past
generations
Add a comma
,generations
show examples
money
 had never been an influent topic, it was considered something to discuss between
family's
Change noun form
family
show examples
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
show examples
 or managed only by the patriarch, causing misconception and ineptitude in others. New generations,
therefore
, are trying to learn from past mistakes and acknowledge
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
discussing
Wrong verb form
discussed
show examples
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
finance daily.
Furthermore
, more men and women are giving economic
advices
Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
show examples
 on social media, so that more followers,
thus
 income, could have been earned. Another reason, why
human-beings
Correct your spelling
human beings
show examples
 talk about
money
 is to brag, showing off a
luxury
Replace the word
luxurious
show examples
 lifestyle to impress others and, perhaps,
being
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
 accepted in the community.
Although
this
 practice might have some
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
,
such
 as
acknowledgment
Change the spelling
acknowledgement
show examples
 of crucial information for
mankind
Change noun form
mankind's
show examples
 economical
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
, the downsides are far more important. Having a daily discussion about monetary numbers
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 means that
people
 will begin to value
money
 more than other fundamental aspects of our lives. The world will shift
the
Change the word
its
show examples
 attention to a materialistic
matter
Fix the agreement mistake
matters
show examples
, rather than human-being rights, environmental issues and so on.
People
 might become obsessed
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
money
, doing everything in their power to create more income and disparity between
poor
Correct article usage
the poor
show examples
 and middle class.
Nevertheless
, some mankind could own debt for the mere reason of being part of
group
Add an article
a group
the group
show examples
 of peers with an expensive lifestyle that they cannot afford.
To conclude
, some
people
 talk about
money
 to learn or teach about it, or to show off their life conditions. Despite the few positive effects of economic discussion, the drawbacks are greatly worse,
such
 as obsession
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
money
 or higher debt.
Submitted by gre.bernabei21 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumerism
  • materialism
  • economic disparity
  • transparency
  • financial planning
  • financial stress
  • culture of comparison
  • societal taboos
  • financial literacy
  • savings
  • investments
What to do next:
Look at other essays: