IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that personal happiness is directly related to economic success. Others argue that happiness depends on different factors.Discuss both views and gove your opinion

#people #happiness #success #factors #gove
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The importance of jubilant is increasing by leaps and bounds. But it is a debatable topic some people claim that it relies on
wealth
Use synonyms
 success. Others reject
this
Linking Words
 notion. In my, opinion
this
Linking Words
 notion is equally linked with various aspects. The position of happiness appears to be more rational. In
this
Linking Words
, essay we will address the negative and positive effects of
this
Linking Words
 trend and
thus
Linking Words
 will lead to a logical conclusion. There are myriads of reasons which will
further
Linking Words
 explain
this
Linking Words
 argument but the most preponderant fact is economic stability is a paramount stage of life because they bestow multifarious resources
such
Linking Words
 as attire, food, and, cars. Another pivotal aspect is economic growth is
also
Linking Words
 a sign of prosperity.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, countries which have
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adequate Economic source are the happiest nations in the world. For, instance Finland is the happiest country in the globe.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, destructive regions namely India, and, Pakistan which are not successful as
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 economic land are suffering from starvation, vandalism, and, crimes.
Similarly
Linking Words
, American individuals are happier rather than the south american population owing to the
wealth
Use synonyms
 and potential influence of America massive compared to others.
In addition
Linking Words
, a survey conducted by the prestigious university of Oxford in London revealed that society fell that if they have more money,
therefore
Linking Words
 they are happier.
However
Linking Words
, there are some pitfalls that negate these arguments and which can certainly overwhelm the potential influence of
this
Linking Words
 trend.
Although
Linking Words
, the most alarming one is money is an essential part of the earth .
Whereas
Linking Words
 we did not avoid different factors
in other words
Linking Words
 satisfaction, health problems, and, depression.
Besides
Linking Words
, the article published in the eminent newspaper depicts that communities which have countless resources and
wealth
Use synonyms
 are suffering from mental disorders for, instance anxiety and insomnia.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the destructive population is fascinated by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education they believe that education is
the
Change the article
a
show examples
 new
wealth
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, happiness is related to the brain ,not to economic success. Poor individuals have a peaceful life and they enjoyed it very well.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 the argument aforementioned above one can reach the conclusion that the perks of economic success for happiness are instrumental indeed.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, the potential of other factors should not be overlooked either. It depends on the situation.
Submitted by naffey07 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic success
  • financial security
  • leisure activities
  • healthcare
  • self-esteem
  • societal status
  • sense of accomplishment
  • multifaceted
  • social relationships
  • mental and physical health
  • sense of purpose
  • fulfillment
  • personal hobbies
  • community involvement
  • mitigate stress
  • emotional and psychological needs
What to do next:
Look at other essays: