Many people feel it is a waste of money to try to save endangered animal species, for example the tiger or the blue whale. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #waste #money #species #tiger #whale

As it’s profoundly insisted on by the public, investment in the preservation of endangered mammal habitats is regarded as a waste of income.From my perspective, endangered mammals play a crucial and fundamental role in the ecosystem and protection is regarded as a necessity to keep our biodiversity flowing .

On the other hand

, the extinction process is a part of the revolution and a natural procedure which is impossible to circumvent.

Additionally

, the

money

should be invested in the nourishment of starved African children and in the improvement of educational systems and facilities

instead

According to

Harvard University research, plant and animal

species

are the cornerstone of healthy ecosystems. An endangered

species

is an indicator that the environment is gradually collapsing. Within its ecosystem, the extinction of one

species

leads to the extinction of others. Ecosystems that are in good condition are essential to human well-being.Scientists have found various ways of protecting endangered

animals

such

as the installation of natural conservation forests where hunting

animals

is prohibited.

For instance

, the most famous forest in Armenia where hunting of

animals

is illegal is the Khosrov state forest. Evaluations have been made regarding the income spent on the preservation of endangered

animals

by scientists.

As a result

, statistics indicate that more than fifty-tenths are spent on the preservation of endangered mammals worldwide.

Thus

, little to no dividend is spent on the enhancement of educational facilities and systems.

Moreover

, a substantial amount of toddlers are left starved in Africa

due to

a lack of goods.In order to combat these hurdles government should devote

money

to equipping the schools with the necessary equipment and creating charities that aid the children of Africa with basic provisions.

To sum up

, whether

money

should be devoted to preserving endangered

species

or not is a controversial topic.From my viewpoint, it’s essential to dedicate

money

to keep endangered

species

since they are building blocks of our biodiversity.

However

, there are other more compelling problems that need urgent resolution

such

as world hunger and unsatisfactory educational systems and buildings.

Submitted by hrushik2006 on Mon Apr 15 2024

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Task Achievement

Ensure a clear thesis statement in your introduction to immediately clarify your position.

Coherence and Cohesion

Balance the development of arguments across paragraphs for better cohesion.

Coherence and Cohesion

Use linking phrases to better connect your ideas and paragraphs, enhancing the essay's flow.

Task Achievement

Consider exploring both views more evenly before presenting your own viewpoint.

Task Achievement

Incorporation of research and statistics to support your arguments adds credibility to your essay.

Coherence and Cohesion

Clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion helps in effectively organizing your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

332 words

8.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

endangered species
biodiversity
intrinsic value
existential threat
ecosystem
conservation
economic benefits
funding allocation
competing needs

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