Many students start looking for jobs as soon as they graduate. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantage?

#students #jobs #graduate #outweigh

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Many

students

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start looking for jobs as soon as they graduate. Some

people

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argue that the disadvantages of

this

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outweigh the advantages.

However

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, in my opinion,

this

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perspective is not true for the following two reasons which I am going to elaborate

Change preposition

on.

show examples

On the one hand,

people

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think that searching for jobs as soon as graduate is ineffective for

students

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because

students

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would have so much stress.

This

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due to

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the fact that as there are a lot of things to do and to prepare for getting a job,

students

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are very busy.

In addition

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, stress is harmful in many ways. In detail, it can cause emotional problems, health problems, and poor performance. Take Warren Buffett

for instance

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, he is a globally recognized CEO and investor. Listed among Time’s 100 Most Influential

People

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, Buffett mentioned in an interview that managing stress by having more time to relax and enjoy hobbies when he was a student shaped him into a successful businessman.

On the other hand

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students

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can save more

money

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and get freedom from their parents if they start working earlier.

Money

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is undeniably important to

people

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in today’s materialistic society. In detail,

money

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is powerful since it provides

people

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with various opportunities that they want to experience and possess. they want to experience and possess.

This

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shows that as

students

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can make more

money

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as soon as possible, the quality of their life will be

also

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improved quickly, and self-development will be realized, too. Since views on life and values are different among individuals, it seems that

this

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subject will remain controversial.

However

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, in conclusion, I believe that I have accurately demonstrated my point of view on

this

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matter with concrete reason and evidence.

Submitted by withjungwon on Wed Feb 01 2023

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

286 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

practical experience
theoretical knowledge
financial independence
professional network
intense competition
career prospects
mental health issues
career exploration
further education
personal development
well-rounded perspective

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Many students start looking for jobs as soon as they graduate. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantage?

Do you think it is important to protect animals? What can be done to deal with this problem?

some believe that role of the parents is more important than school when teaching their children to recycle waste to preserve the Earth’s natural resources. to what extend do you agree or disagree?

People who do not use social media networks will always fall behind in career development opportunities.

Some people think we need more female leaders to create world peace and reduce violence. To what extent do you agree?