Many students start looking for jobs as soon as they graduate. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantage?

#students #jobs #graduate #outweigh

Many

students

start looking for jobs as soon as they graduate. Some

people

argue that the disadvantages of

this

outweigh the advantages.

However

, in my opinion,

this

perspective is not true for the following two reasons which I am going to elaborate

Change preposition

on.

show examples

On the one hand,

people

think that searching for jobs as soon as graduate is ineffective for

students

because

students

would have so much stress.

This

due to

the fact that as there are a lot of things to do and to prepare for getting a job,

students

are very busy.

In addition

, stress is harmful in many ways. In detail, it can cause emotional problems, health problems, and poor performance. Take Warren Buffett

for instance

, he is a globally recognized CEO and investor. Listed among Time’s 100 Most Influential

People

, Buffett mentioned in an interview that managing stress by having more time to relax and enjoy hobbies when he was a student shaped him into a successful businessman.

On the other hand

students

can save more

money

and get freedom from their parents if they start working earlier.

Money

is undeniably important to

people

in today’s materialistic society. In detail,

money

is powerful since it provides

people

with various opportunities that they want to experience and possess. they want to experience and possess.

This

shows that as

students

can make more

money

as soon as possible, the quality of their life will be

also

improved quickly, and self-development will be realized, too. Since views on life and values are different among individuals, it seems that

this

subject will remain controversial.

However

, in conclusion, I believe that I have accurately demonstrated my point of view on

this

matter with concrete reason and evidence.

Submitted by withjungwon on Wed Feb 01 2023

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

286 words

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

practical experience
theoretical knowledge
financial independence
professional network
intense competition
career prospects
mental health issues
career exploration
further education
personal development
well-rounded perspective

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Many students start looking for jobs as soon as they graduate. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantage?

art classes, such as paintings and drawing, are as important to a child's development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that it is a good idea to continue to work at their old age. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that only the government can make significant changes in the society, while others think that individuals can have alot of influence. What is your opinion?

In many countries, an increase in crime has been blamed on violent images on television and in computer and video games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Buying things on the internet, such as groceries, books and air tickets is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping this way outweigh the disadvantages.