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Band 3.5

In modern society, it is possible to go shopping, work and accommodate via the internet without face to face contact with one another. To what extent do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#society #work #internet #face #contact #development
Nowadays,
world
Correct article usage
the world
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 where we live
not
Add a missing verb
is not
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 the same as it was fifty years ago. A big amount of
every day
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everyday
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 tasks
have
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has
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 been modernized,
such
 as work, shopping and even accommodation. Many
people
 believe that it made our life much
more
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apply
show examples
easier, but I believe that there is
also
 are negative aspects of it that we should be taking into consideration.
Firstly
, if comparing modern and
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
 it
become
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becomes
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 very obvious that now
people
 became
more lazy
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lazier
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 and less social they are scared of talking to
people
,
for
example
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,example
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 some
people
 would prefer shopping via
internet
Add an article
the internet
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 and pay more money than
go
Wrong verb form
going
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 to nearby physical stores and
bargain
Wrong verb form
bargaining
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 and pay less for the same goods.
Secondly
,
internet
 shopping
give
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gives
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opportunity
Correct article usage
the opportunity
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 for criminals to scam
people
 by selling them something through sites they have developed and buyers who paid money won't even get what
he
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 had bought. Talking about the positive aspect there is a lot of them but the most important
one's
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one
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 is saving a lot of time, the obvious aspect of it and other I would like to emphasize
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
how it helped when the
COD-19
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
 virus was taking
the
Change preposition
over the
show examples
 world. Without
Add an article
the internet
show examples
internet
Add a comma
,internet
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 we couldn't buy what we need and work without letting the virus spread worse than it was. In my own
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 I still believe that
internet
 shopping is negative development as it makes society less communicative with each that
overall
 leads to misunderstanding, laziness and degradation of humanity.
Submitted by oimigle on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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