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Band 6

The Internet has many disadvantages as it does advantages. To what extend do you agree with this statement.

#internet
The
Internet
 has become a vital role in
people
’s lives since it has changed many aspects of
people
’s lives.
While
 some
people
 believe that it has more disadvantages than advantages, some others, including me, claim that its advantages outweigh the disadvantages as it can make communication easier and is an unlimited source of
information
. The
internet
, on the one hand, is instrumental in communication as many
people
 can keep in touch with their family and
friends
easier
Rephrase
more easily
show examples
 through many social networking websites and applications everywhere.
In addition
,
people
 can access a significant source of
information
 without any limitations, which can improve
people
’s knowledge
free
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
.
For example
, in the past,
people
 had to buy many paper books and magazines to obtain the
information
, which not only
did take
Wrong verb form
took
show examples
 a long time to access but was usually more expensive.
On the other hand
, the
Internet
 can cause many health problems
such
 as overweight and obesity because
people
 have a sedentary lifestyle as they do everything on the
Internet
 like shopping and socializing.
Moreover
, it can cause isolation among some
people
, especially old
people
, who may think that they are not important to their children because as a human, they need to be with their relatives and
friends
 in the real world.
Nonetheless
,
people
 can try to fit some regular exercise into their daily routine to prevent obesity.
Also
,
people
 can see their
friends
 and family at special events
instead
 of being with them through social media. In Conclusion, I believe that the
Internet
 makes life easier for
people
 in many aspects like communication and access to
information
.
Although
 some
people
 believe that it causes obesity or isolation, it can be prevented by doing some sports or keeping in touch with family and
friends
 on some occasions.
Submitted by ha.mahsa73 on

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task response
Overall, the essay provides a good response to the task. The main points have been addressed, and there is a clear position stated. The ideas are well-developed and supported with relevant examples.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is generally coherent, with clear progression from one idea to the next. However, the introduction and conclusion could be more substantial and demonstrate a stronger link to the body paragraphs.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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