IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Do you agree or disagree? people spent too much time on personal enjoyment doing things they like to do rather than doing things they should do.

#people #time #enjoyment
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There has been an argument that
people
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 have spent too much
time
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 on personal pleasure rather than on necessary or important
things
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 that they are supposed to do.
This
Linking Words
 essay will elaborate on my opinion towards the statement. It is understandable why it has been widely argued that
people
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 spend too much
time
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 on enjoyable
things
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 more than
things
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 they should do. It is undeniable that the advent of modern technology and the internet plays an important role in
this
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 circumstance as both of them facilitate
people
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 to access or do their enjoyable thing easier. Take social media as an example; countless
people
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 are so addicted to
this
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 virtual life that it is able to take a vast majority of them per day. Statistically,
people
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 spend approximately 10 hours per day scrolling their social media feeds, the teenager
in particular
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, resulting in which there are countless drawbacks, both physical and mental that cannot be ignored. I,
on the other hand
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, believe that it is not true. To illustrate,
although
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people
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 might spend most of their
time
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 doing their favourite
things
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, it is not as much as the
time
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 they spend on
things
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 they need to do. Compared to the approximate lifetime of 80 years old,
people
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 already spend their first 20 years studying and another 40 years working before retirement, which accounted for 80% of their lifetime. I,
therefore
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, disagree with
this
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 statement as the necessary thing that
people
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 are supposed to do is already taking the vast majority of our lifetime.
Moreover
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, studying or working even causes countless stressors which can be ameliorated by enjoyable
things
Use synonyms
 that they like to do. In conclusion, there has been a debate that
people
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 spend too much
time
Use synonyms
 on personal enjoyable
things
Use synonyms
 rather than
things
Use synonyms
 they are supposed to do and I disagree with the statement.
Submitted by plengmarchx on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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