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Band 6.5

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#country #language
In recent years,
along with
 the boom of society, living in a foreign country has become increasingly prevalent at an amazing rate. Some
people
 tend towards the viewpoint that living in foreign countries will lead to various social difficulties. From my perspectives, I completely agree with that viewpoint. On the one hand, we have to admit that living in foreign countries could negatively affect
people
's lives. The primary reason is that it is difficult for
people
 to adapt to their social lives.
This
 is because human beings tend to be confused about the cultures of certain areas without understanding their languages.
As a result
, they probably isolate themselves from other local citizens and won't engage in various community activities.
Subsequently
, as foreigners, they are more likely to lack a sense of belonging and
thus
 feel lonely.
For example
,
people
 probably find it difficult to make friends with local residents, which can negatively influence their emotions.
Therefore
, living in a foreign country can influence both
people
's emotional and social lives. Regardless of the arguments mentioned above, I believe that living abroad can be considerably beneficial to individuals.
Firstly
, living abroad makes it possible for them to improve their language skills in authentic areas.
For example
, they can easily practice their language skills by carrying on conversations with local residents during daily activities without taking many expensive lessons.
Secondly
, it
also
 provides human beings
opportunities
Change preposition
with opportunities
show examples
 to broaden their horizons and enlarge their knowledge.
This
 is because living abroad is conducive to catching up with the trends in
this
 country and
people
 can learn their customs by engaging in their local activities.
Additionally
, it is
also
 a chance for individuals to foster a sense of independence since there will be no families for them to rely on and they probably have to complete difficult tasks by themselves. In conclusion,
although
 there are various drawbacks to living abroad, I remain unwavering in my conviction that it has more benefits.
Submitted by 609553855 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a logical structure, however, the argument transitions could be smoother, and the paragraphing could be more balanced to enhance clarity and cohesion throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, which delineates the topic well and frames the argument. Yet, the concluding paragraph could be strengthened by summarising the central arguments more comprehensively.
coherence cohesion
You provided main points to support your arguments, but further elaboration, clearer topic sentences, and more varied sentence structures could improve readability and the impact of your essay.
task achievement
Your response to the task is complete, however, it leans too heavily towards one viewpoint without sufficiently exploring the opposing view, which is necessary for a balanced argument. Consider giving more equal treatment to both sides of the argument.
task achievement
Some ideas presented were clear, yet they lacked depth and comprehensiveness. Expand upon your ideas and support them with detailed reasoning and specific details, which will make for a more compelling essay.
task achievement
Using relevant and specific examples strengthens an argument, but you need more of these to reinforce your points. Make sure the examples are directly connected to the main idea of each paragraph and are clearly explained.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • linguistic proficiency
  • cross-cultural communication
  • miscommunication
  • social integration
  • linguistic alienation
  • cultural dissonance
  • language acquisition
  • communication breakdown
  • interpreter services
  • language courses
  • bilingualism
  • multilingualism
  • language barrier
  • effective communication
  • cultural assimilation
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