Many people are involved in sports when they are young but stop once they are adults why do many adults stop doing physical exercise ? what can be done about this problem ?

Physical exercise is a need in today's stressful lifestyle;

although

it is observed that adults are not involved in sports activities as compared to when they were young. In my ,opinion the two main reasons for

this

are the hectic

work

environment and the increased cost of living. In

this

, essay I will analyze the issues and provide possible solutions. To commence with, the

work

and family balance has completely changed from older times. Before the age of modern technology people used to have a life outside the office, which was spent well with family and friends.

Due to

time constraints and other commitments at

work

adolescents discontinue their

sport

Fix the agreement mistake

sports

show examples

activity in which they used to indulge when they were young and

tension free

Add a hyphen

tension-free

show examples

. Hectic and long hours of

work

in front of the computer suck out all the energy from an individual, making them lazy and lethargic.

For example

according to

the Mumbai ,Times 80% of people spend around 12 to 14 hours at their job and additional 3 hours travelling.

This

issue can be solved if adults prioritise their well-being above

work

and stick to a schedule for their own mental and physical development. The second reason for the absence of physical exercise is the increased cost of basic amenities and items. A middle-class single person cannot be the only breadwinner for the entire family as remuneration

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

not sufficient to suffice all the needs of a family. In order to overcome

this

problem, both husband and wife need to

work

and support the family. People

work

two jobs and

therefore

are unable to dedicate time to their personal fitness. The problem can be resolved by opening green gyms in parks which will have free entry for all, even though they will be difficult to maintain. To summarize, adults should indulge in some kind of sports activity to lead a healthy and disease-free life,

although

this

can lead to more effort.

Nevertheless

, it is better to always remember that health is wealth.

Submitted by Aishwarya on Thu Feb 02 2023

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coherence and cohesion

The essay is well-structured and presents clear ideas. However, the logical flow of information could be improved by organizing the points in a more cohesive manner. Ensure that each paragraph logically follows the previous one, and that there is a clear transition between ideas.

task achievement

The response addresses the prompt and provides relevant examples to support the points. However, be careful to fully develop each point and ensure that the examples are closely connected to the arguments being made. Additionally, consider the impact of modern technology on physical activity for adults, as well as the social and cultural factors that may contribute to the decline in sports participation among adults.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

335 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many people are involved in sports when they are young but stop once they are adults why do many adults stop doing physical exercise ? what can be done about this problem ?

Fully explain your ideas

Doing an enjoyable activity with a child can develop better skills and more creativity than reading. To what extent do you agree? Use reasons and specific examples to explain your answer.

You recently booked a part-time course at a college. You now need to cancel your booking. Write a letter to the college administrator. In your letter, •say which part-time course you booked •explain why you need to cancel your booking •ask about booking a different course

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

In some countries, celebrities complain about way about the way media publicize their private lives. Some people say that they should accept it as part of their fame. Do you agree or disagree?

Smoking is a major cause of serious illness and death, Throughout the world today.In the interest of the public health,governments should ban cigarettes and other tobacco products.Do you agree or disagree?