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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that teaching children at home is best for a child’s development while others think that it is important for children to go to school. Discuss the advantages of both methods and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #children #home #child’s #development #school #methods
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For some people, the idea of homeschooling is a new learning approach. Many parents think that teaching
children
Use synonyms
 at
home
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 improves their development
while
Linking Words
 others believe the traditional educational system is better. At
school
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, the students have the opportunity to practice their social skills
whereas
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 self-taught provides detailed teaching for the child's improvement. It is important for
children
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 to learn how to interact with other people because, in the future, they will need to apply
this
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 skill in different contexts.
For example
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, at the university or at work, socialization is present everywhere.
Therefore
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, integrating
this
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 tool at earlier stages of the child's education will impact positively the rest of their life and provide key insights looking ahead.
On the other hand
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, students
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 are educated at
home
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 get the teacher's full attention as they receive one-on-one training in all the different subjects.
For instance
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, my nephew
has
Verb problem
is
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 7 years old and he has been doing
home
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school
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 since he was 3 years and it is incredible how fast he has progressed compared to other
children
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 of the same age
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 are being educated by the regular
school
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 system.
It is clear that
Linking Words
this
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 trending methodology has greater advantages
to foster
Change preposition
in fostering
show examples
 the development of a child's knowledge. I strongly believe that both teaching approaches are correct and will help the
children
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 to evolve their own knowledge and abilities. In my opinion, the student's personality and character will determine whether a traditional education model or
home
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school
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 is better for them.
Submitted by franciscocervellera on

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coherence cohesion
To further enhance the coherence and cohesion of your essay, you could benefit from a more explicit connection between your main points and their supporting examples. For instance, explain more clearly how homeschooling benefits development through specific teaching techniques.
task achievement
While your essay covers both homeschooling and traditional schooling, expanding on specific advantages with more detailed examples could offer a more comprehensive response. For example, discussing specific social skills learned at school or detailing the tailored teaching methods in homeschooling.
coherence cohesion
Make sure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that all sentences within that paragraph support that idea. This will help maintain a strong logical structure throughout your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and a well-structured conclusion that nicely summarizes your main points and personal opinion.
task achievement
You successfully presented both perspectives of the debate on homeschooling vs traditional schooling, which provides a balanced argument.
task achievement
Your own example about your nephew provided a personal touch and demonstrated a clear understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • personalized learning
  • cater
  • flexible schedule
  • extracurricular activities
  • safe learning environment
  • bullying
  • peer pressure
  • socialization
  • diversity awareness
  • structured environment
  • discipline
  • punctuality
  • resources and facilities
  • communication skills
  • teamwork
  • specialized subjects
  • experts
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