Employers should give their staff at least four weeks' holiday a year to make employees better at their work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
I strongly agree that
employers
Use synonyms
should grant their staff at least four weeks'
holiday
Use synonyms
annually to enhance their work performance.
This
Linking Words
assertion is underpinned by several compelling arguments, ranging from the psychological benefits of rest to the tangible improvements in productivity and employee retention.
Firstly
Linking Words
, regular breaks are crucial for mental well-being. Extended periods of work without sufficient respite can lead to burnout, a condition characterized by chronic stress, fatigue, and diminished enthusiasm for one's job. By ensuring a minimum of four weeks'
holiday
Use synonyms
,
employers
Use synonyms
provide their staff with the opportunity to disengage from work-related pressures, thereby alleviating stress and fostering mental rejuvenation.
This
Linking Words
mental reset is vital, as it enables
employees
Use synonyms
to return to their roles with renewed
vigor
Change the spelling
vigour
show examples
and a refreshed perspective, ultimately enhancing their productivity.
Secondly
Linking Words
, holidays contribute to better physical
health
Use synonyms
. Continuous work without adequate breaks can exacerbate
health
Use synonyms
issues, including cardiovascular diseases and weakened immune systems. Regular vacations offer
employees
Use synonyms
the chance to engage in activities that promote physical well-being,
such
Linking Words
as exercise, travel, or simply resting, which in turn can reduce absenteeism
due to
Linking Words
health
Use synonyms
issues. Healthier
employees
Use synonyms
are more efficient and capable of maintaining higher levels of performance over extended periods.
Moreover
Linking Words
, offering ample
holiday
Use synonyms
time can significantly bolster employee morale and job satisfaction. When staff feel valued and recognized by their
employers
Use synonyms
, they are more likely to exhibit loyalty and commitment to their organization.
This
Linking Words
positive attitude translates into higher levels of engagement and productivity.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, companies known for their generous
holiday
Use synonyms
policies often attract top talent, giving them a competitive edge in the job market. In conclusion, providing at least four
weeks'
Correct your spelling
weeks
show examples
holiday
Use synonyms
per year is not merely a perk but a strategic investment in the workforce's
overall
Linking Words
efficiency and well-being. By prioritizing
employees
Use synonyms
' mental and physical
health
Use synonyms
through adequate
holiday
Use synonyms
provisions,
employers
Use synonyms
can cultivate a more motivated, loyal, and productive team, ultimately driving the organization's success.
Submitted by chalermchartbsc on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that examples provided are more detailed and specific. While the current examples are relevant, adding more specifics can strengthen the arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay could benefit from clearer signaling of transitions between paragraphs. Using explicit transitional phrases would enhance flow.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete and comprehensive response to the task, addressing both psychological and physical benefits of holidays, as well as their impact on employee morale and productivity.
coherence cohesion
The introduction sets up the essay well, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points, reinforcing the thesis.
coherence cohesion
Main points are well-supported throughout the essay, with logical connections and relevant examples.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • creativity
  • mental well-being
  • physical well-being
  • recharge
  • rejuvenate
  • personal growth
  • development
  • loyalty
  • commitment
  • exploration
  • different perspectives
  • talent retention
  • job satisfaction
  • stress reduction
What to do next:
Look at other essays: