IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Employers should give their staff at least four weeks' holiday a year to make employees better at their work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#employers #staff #four #weeks #holiday #year #employees #work
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I strongly agree that
employers
 should grant their staff at least four weeks'
holiday
 annually to enhance their work performance.
This
 assertion is underpinned by several compelling arguments, ranging from the psychological benefits of rest to the tangible improvements in productivity and employee retention.
Firstly
, regular breaks are crucial for mental well-being. Extended periods of work without sufficient respite can lead to burnout, a condition characterized by chronic stress, fatigue, and diminished enthusiasm for one's job. By ensuring a minimum of four weeks'
holiday
,
employers
 provide their staff with the opportunity to disengage from work-related pressures, thereby alleviating stress and fostering mental rejuvenation.
This
 mental reset is vital, as it enables
employees
 to return to their roles with renewed
vigor
Change the spelling
vigour
show examples
 and a refreshed perspective, ultimately enhancing their productivity.
Secondly
, holidays contribute to better physical
health
. Continuous work without adequate breaks can exacerbate
health
 issues, including cardiovascular diseases and weakened immune systems. Regular vacations offer
employees
 the chance to engage in activities that promote physical well-being,
such
 as exercise, travel, or simply resting, which in turn can reduce absenteeism
due to
health
 issues. Healthier
employees
 are more efficient and capable of maintaining higher levels of performance over extended periods.
Moreover
, offering ample
holiday
 time can significantly bolster employee morale and job satisfaction. When staff feel valued and recognized by their
employers
, they are more likely to exhibit loyalty and commitment to their organization.
This
 positive attitude translates into higher levels of engagement and productivity.
Furthermore
, companies known for their generous
holiday
 policies often attract top talent, giving them a competitive edge in the job market. In conclusion, providing at least four
weeks'
Correct your spelling
weeks
show examples
holiday
 per year is not merely a perk but a strategic investment in the workforce's
overall
 efficiency and well-being. By prioritizing
employees
' mental and physical
health
 through adequate
holiday
 provisions,
employers
 can cultivate a more motivated, loyal, and productive team, ultimately driving the organization's success.
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task achievement
Ensure that examples provided are more detailed and specific. While the current examples are relevant, adding more specifics can strengthen the arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay could benefit from clearer signaling of transitions between paragraphs. Using explicit transitional phrases would enhance flow.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete and comprehensive response to the task, addressing both psychological and physical benefits of holidays, as well as their impact on employee morale and productivity.
coherence cohesion
The introduction sets up the essay well, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points, reinforcing the thesis.
coherence cohesion
Main points are well-supported throughout the essay, with logical connections and relevant examples.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • creativity
  • mental well-being
  • physical well-being
  • recharge
  • rejuvenate
  • personal growth
  • development
  • loyalty
  • commitment
  • exploration
  • different perspectives
  • talent retention
  • job satisfaction
  • stress reduction
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