IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays young people are leaving their homes from rural areas to study or work in the cities. Why does this happen? Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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In recent times, many individuals have been leaving rural
areas
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 to seek work and education in
cities
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.
This
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 phenomenon is driven by various factors, including better career prospects, improved
healthcare
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, and access to higher education.
This
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 essay will discuss the reasons behind rural-to-urban migration and analyze both its advantages and disadvantages. In my opinion, people should move to
cities
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 to pursue their dreams, access better opportunities, and enhance their
overall
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 quality of
life
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. One of the main reasons for migration is the search for new and diverse opportunities. It is widely believed that people living in rural
areas
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 have fewer chances to secure well-paying jobs or
enroll
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enrol
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 in prestigious universities. Take my cousin Sara,
for example
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. She spent her entire childhood in a small town, but after graduating from high school, she faced a significant challenge—her town had no university.
As a result
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, she had to leave her family and move to a city to pursue her education and achieve her goals. Another key factor is access to advanced
healthcare
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. Many families leave their hometowns in search of better medical services. In rural
areas
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,
healthcare
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 facilities are often underdeveloped, and some towns lack hospitals altogether. I personally know several families who were forced to relocate just to receive proper medical treatment.
For instance
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, a widely shared story on the internet tells of a man who, in a desperate attempt to save his wife’s
life
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, took an ambulance by force and drove 120
kilometers
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kilometres
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 to the nearest city hospital.
This
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 highlights the critical role that urban
healthcare
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 services play in people’s lives.
While
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cities
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 offer advanced medical care and greater career opportunities, they cannot fully replace the unique atmosphere of rural
life
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. Rural
areas
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 are less crowded, have cleaner air, and foster close-knit communities where
neighbors
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neighbours
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 treat each other as friends. In conclusion, I strongly encourage people to move to
cities
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 in pursuit of personal and professional growth.
However
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, despite the many advantages of urban
life
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, nothing can truly replace the beauty, simplicity, and sense of community found in rural
areas
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.

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task achievement
Expand more on the advantages and disadvantages of urban migration to provide a well-rounded argument.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words to enhance the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Consider elaborating on how rural life can be improved to retain residents, which would add depth to your analysis.
task achievement
The introduction clearly outlines the main points of the essay and presents a clear opinion.
task achievement
The use of personal examples is effective in illustrating your points and making them relatable.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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