It is better for children if the whole family including aunts, uncles and grandparents are involved in a child’s upbringing, rather than just their parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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The importance of the whole family
was
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has
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always debatable and has now become more controversial. Many individuals claim that it is beneficial,
while
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others reject
this
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notion. In my opinion,
this
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notion has some advantages . The position of relatives appears to be more rational. In
this
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essay, we will address the positive effects of
this
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trend and
thus
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will lead to a logical conclusion. Myriads of reasons are which will
further
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elaborate
this
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argument, but the most preponderant fact is kids are a wonderful creation of good. Another pivotal aspect is that infants are fascinated by these family members.
Furthermore
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, a survey conducted by the prestigious
university
Capitalize word
University
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of Oxford in London revealed that grandparents, and, uncles are
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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essential parts of life.
Similarly
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, they increased cultural and traditional information for juveniles.
On the other hand
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, parents are busy in their jobs and children feel alone in the house. Probing ahead, one of the main underlying reasons stems from the fact that upbringing with others is like a piece of cake.
Besides
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, it
is
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also
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increased
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increases
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decision-making skills in the kids because they
required
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require
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more decisions at home.
Moreover
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, the article published in the eminent newspaper Hindustan Times depicts that offspring who live with an aunt, and, uncle
are
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is
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more amiable with society.
In addition
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, the population is love kids who respect their older ones. It is pertinent to mention that guardians play a vital role in the
life
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lives
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of juveniles owing to their vast impact.
To sum up
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,
according to
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the argument aforementioned above, one can reach the conclusion that, the benefits of these family members are instrumental too great. It has superior potential power.
Submitted by naffey07 on

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task response
Address the prompt fully and directly. Make sure to include both your opinion and the reasons for it in a clear and comprehensive way.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear logical structure in some parts and the introduction and conclusion could be more developed and comprehensive. Consider organizing your ideas more coherently and using linking words to connect your ideas.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary and use more varied and precise language. Avoid repetition and imprecise expressions.
grammatical range
Work on sentence structure, verb tenses, and grammatical accuracy. Avoid errors in subject-verb agreement and word choice.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • multigenerational households
  • emotional and social development
  • rounded upbringing
  • valuable life skills
  • cultural traditions
  • heritage preservation
  • broad support network
  • psychological health
  • excessive interference
  • practical support
  • child-rearing
  • deeply rooted tradition
  • cultural context
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