IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Influence of human beings on the world's ecosystem is leading to The extinction of species and the loss of biodiversity.. What are the primary causes of loss of bio-diversity? What solutions can you suggest?

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Human beings' activities are posing the extinction of
species
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 and loss of biodiversity by affecting the world's ecosystem. There seem to be two main reasons leading to
this
Linking Words
 issue and some proper actions should be taken to address it fully. It is generally acknowledged that too much refuse which is being entered into the clean
water
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 is the underlying root of
animals
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' death.
Also
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, it is harmful to the vegetation which provides food for the
species
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. A case in point is the front-page news about a number of whales which had been killed
due to
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 poisoned
water
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 by manufacturers' residue.
Additionally
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, poachers who are killing
animals
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 especially rare
species
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 for financial purposes, are the other major threat to the wilderness. Annually, thousands of endangered
animals
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 are being hunted and sold in black markets for a considerable amount of money. As an illustration, the Iranian Cheetah has been recently extinct
due to
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 illegal hunting. There is ample evidence that there should be some regulations for industries to prevent them from pouring their waste into the free
water
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 by forcing them to adjust a recycling system to purify their residue before entering the
water
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. I have seen
such
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 a practical system in Seven Diamond Company which recycles their waste for watering the trees.
Moreover
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, some serious punishments should be allocated for those lawbreakers who try to hunt
animals
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 illegally. The more strict regulations are considered, the less hunters dare to repeat their sentences.
To conclude
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,
although
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 industrial residue and poachers are the top threaters of rare
species
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 and natural areas, they can be prevented or controlled by reinforcing manufacturers with purifying systems and strict punishments for illegal hunters.

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coherence-cohesion
Your essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the conclusion could be made stronger by summarizing the main points in a more impactful way.
task-achievement
Ensure the ideas are fully developed, especially when discussing solutions. For instance, further detailing how strict regulations could be implemented and their potential impact on illegal hunting would strengthen your response.
coherence-cohesion
Minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, such as 'the top threaters of rare species,' should be corrected for clarity. Use terms like 'top threats' instead.
task-achievement
You provided specific examples, such as the Iranian Cheetah and Seven Diamond Company, which add credibility and depth to your arguments.
coherence-cohesion
The essay maintains a clear and logical progression with ideas presented in a coherent manner. Each paragraph has a clear central idea.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Deforestation
  • Habitat destruction
  • Ecosystem
  • Biodiversity
  • Pollution
  • Climate Change
  • Overexploitation
  • Poaching
  • Invasive species
  • Habitat fragmentation
  • Conservation
  • Sustainable development
  • Ecosystem services
  • Endangered species
  • Environmental degradation
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