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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people suggest that setting up more gyms will encourage people to remain active. What problems are associated with this proposal? What solutions can you offer for good health?

#people #gyms #offer #health
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Public
health
Use synonyms
 has become an important issue to be discussed by the vast majority of
people
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 daily, some of them suggest that the availability of
sports
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club
Fix the agreement mistake
clubs
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 and gyms is a solution to encourage
people
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 to remain active,
while
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this
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 proposal is considered to be a solution, there are many problems are associated with. In the following essay, I am going to offer some simple suggestions for good
health
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.
To begin
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 with, the trend of expanding
in
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apply
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the establishment of
sports
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 clubs and gyms,
firstly
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,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will put more financial burdens on the budget,
meanwhile
Add a comma
,meanwhile
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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developing countries like Egypt, there are many other priorities to spend tax-payers money on,
Secondly
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, the
sitiuation
Correct your spelling
situation
 will be much harder in crowded cities,
for example
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 in my
citiy
Correct your spelling
city
, Cairo,
people
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 are struggling to find small spare shops for rent rather than big ones which are suitable to open
sports
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 clubs or gyms.
Finally
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,
although
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 folk tend to involve in
sports
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 activities to keep their
health
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 fit, there is a shortage of qualified trainers to work in
such
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 clubs.
On the other hand
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, some simple solutions can be considered for good
health
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, one of them is to encourage domestic practice at homes, or in public gardens,
for
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example
Add the comma(s)
,example
show examples
create
Wrong verb form
creating
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 some simple facilities in public gardens would be cheap and easy to get for most of
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people
Add an article
the people
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,
other
Change the wording
another
show examples
 solution is to conduct some
sports
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 events on weekends,
such
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 as
marthons
Correct your spelling
marathons
marathon
 or football matches.
However
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, many campaigns had launched in the past to raise public awareness against smoking and decrease harm-
health
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 habits,
this
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 choice remains possible and active. In conclusion,
health
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 is crucial but we should think about the ways that are suitable for our
circumistances
Correct your spelling
circumstances
 to keep our bodies fit
,
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apply
show examples
 and save money and time
Submitted by abdoo.magicoo on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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