Nowadays there is an increase in social problems involving young people because more parents spent time at work that with their children. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give specific reasons and examples to support your answers.
In modern society,
it is clear that
there are a large number of crimes caused by teenagers. Some people assert that it is caused by a lack of supervision of Linking Words
children
by their Use synonyms
parents
Use synonyms
due to
them having to spend their Linking Words
time
more at the workplace Use synonyms
according to
the cost of living, which has skyrocketed. Linking Words
However
, others believe that there are other reasons that create social problems.
Linking Words
To begin
with, there is no doubt that Linking Words
parents
are the mirror of their Use synonyms
children
. It is commonly believed that adolescents who have grown up with their grandparents seem more likely to become more polite person than others. Normally, they have retired already from economic activities, so they can spend their Use synonyms
time
with Use synonyms
children
and they can take etiquette lessons from them. Use synonyms
Also
, adolescence is a crucial period for establishing their morality and identity. Linking Words
Therefore
, It seems very important for Linking Words
children
to receive appropriate and proper education from Use synonyms
adults
during Use synonyms
this
period.
Linking Words
On the other hand
, some adolescent specialists claim that social media and lack of taking an ethical subject create small and large social issues. Linking Words
First,
nowadays, many young students are exposed to numerous stimulating content from social media. As mobile devices have become one of their lifestyles, some students watch violent videos,which abuse street animals made by video creators. Many experts assert that it could affect their awareness of the dignity of life. Linking Words
Furthermore
, there is one trend that there is a lack of ethics subjects in a curriculum. I believe that schools should teach adolescents morality to them become righteous Linking Words
adults
, not only give them academic knowledge.
Use synonyms
To sum up
, Linking Words
parents
spending less Use synonyms
time
with their Use synonyms
children
Use synonyms
also
creates some social issues, but schools and all other Linking Words
adults
should have a responsibility to teach and show Use synonyms
children
abundant education and useful and healthy videos in order to raise Use synonyms
children
into responsible Use synonyms
adults
.Use synonyms
To sum up
, Linking Words
parents
spending less Use synonyms
time
with their Use synonyms
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
also
create some social issues, but schools and all other Linking Words
adults
should have a responsibility to teach and show Use synonyms
children
abundant education and useful and healthy videos in order to raise Use synonyms
children
into responsible Use synonyms
adults
.Use synonyms
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Task Achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the topic and provides a clear stance on the issue, which is a strong point. However, to further enhance your argument, ensure each paragraph supports your thesis more directly with cohesive examples and reasoning.
Coherence and Cohesion
You've used a range of linking words and organized your ideas in a logical manner, contributing to the essay's coherence. To improve, consider varying your sentence structures more to enhance readability and flow.
Task Achievement
The essay provides a nuanced perspective, acknowledging that while parental involvement is crucial, the responsibility for youth development also lies with schools and society at large, which enriches your discussion.
Coherence and Cohesion
You've used paragraphs effectively to separate your ideas, making your essay easy to follow. The introduction and conclusion are present and clearly signal the beginning and end of your discourse.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example