IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some children spend a long time each day on their smartphones

Smartphone
addiction
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 has been a common problem among
children
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. Each day
children
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 spend a long
time
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 using their
smartphones
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. I believe that it has a negative impact on their development since it's important to build up their communication skills and knowledge at that age. There are some reasons why
children
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 spend a long
time
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 using their
smartphones
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 , The first reason for smartphone
addiction
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 is that it would affect the
children
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's communication skills because they are only interested in spending the whole day on their phones , which will make them depend on their phones for enjoyment rather than making friends , a daughter of a friend of mine used to be very sociable but with the introduction of
smartphones
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 she became very addicted and that made her isolate herself she wouldn't even play with other
children
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 because of that. Spending a long
time
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 on their
smartphones
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 would
also
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 affect their learning ability it can cause distraction and even make them miss classes because of their
addiction
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 to using
smartphones
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 ,
In
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addition
Add a comma
,addition
show examples
this
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addiction
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 might cause them many problems in the future ,
such
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 as failing in classes can make it very challenging for them to pass classes ,
thus
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 it might lead to losing job opportunities
due to
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 their low GPA and lack of knowledge .
Overall
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 using
smartphones
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 for long hours have a negative impact on
children
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's communication skills and knowledge it can affect them in many ways in the future by having the risk of having psychological problems and losing job opportunities. Giving the
children
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smartphones
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 for two hours on the weekend would be a good suggestion since they will be more focused on their studies and getting higher grades
also
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 they will have plenty of
time
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 to spend on making friends and communicating with other people, which would have a positive impact on The
children
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 future.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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