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Writing Samples /
Band 6

Too much emphasis is placed on education. More government money should be spent on providing free-time activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#emphasis #education #government #money #free-time #activities
Education
 is the key aspect
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
every one's
Replace the word
everyone's
show examples
 life so government funding tends to be bigger in
this
 sector. Even though an argument on providing a lot of money to boost free activities to facilitate
citizens
Change noun form
citizens'
citizen's
show examples
 leisure time seems to be a great idea, I disagree that
this
 is the most effective way to spend the national income of the country. Having
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
quality time with loved ones is one of the most exciting moments
among
Change preposition
for
show examples
 people to recharge their energy. It could be inside or outside the house.
However
, there are not many options to go outside because of the lack of public places and free experiences that are provided by the local and national governments. Undoubtedly, it is
such
 a good way that the regimes should pay more attention to
provide
Wrong verb form
providing
show examples
 various fun attractions by spending a high percentage of the national income on
this
 case.
On the other hand
, a country's prosperity is measured by its economic and
education
 sectors. These two sectors are linked to one another. The higher level of
education
 the society achieves, the bigger
salary
Correct article usage
the salary
show examples
 they will get and the excessive welfare level of families in the country will sustain.
Therefore
, to achieve
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 higher quality of
education
, the presidential cabinet has to give the biggest percentage of national funding in
this
 field. These two schemas are probably a good way to allocate the funding. After emphasis from both sides, I can tell that providing a bigger amount for society attractions is not as urgent and important as giving help to underprivileged children to get a better
education
.
As
Change preposition
In
show examples
 conclusion, the government should prioritize
education
 first.
Submitted by nadhyra.haninda on

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Introduction
Maintain the clarity of your introduction by succinctly stating your position on the argument. This will set a strong foundation for your essay.
Sentence Variety
Consider diversifying your sentence structures to further enhance readability and engagement. While your essay already demonstrates good variety, further variation can make your writing even more dynamic.
Conclusion
Enhance your conclusion by summarizing the main points before stating your final stance. This method reinforces your arguments and provides a clear closure to the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay presented a well-structured and logical flow of ideas, demonstrating a strong grasp of coherence and cohesion.
Task Response
You effectively responded to the task, providing clear and comprehensive ideas supported by relevant examples.
Introduction and Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear, effectively bookending your essay and reinforcing your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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